Deep in the Act
Quality Check: Isalee
First Published on Chaleuria
Warning: Contains descriptions of rape / noncon.
Chapter 48.2 (NSFW)
The ride to the man’s place was not very long, and cost no more than the basic fare. After paying, the man dragged Gao Zhun out of the car. “Sorry ’bout this,” he explained politely in the midst of their scuffle, “he’s just throwing a tantrum.” The driver responded with a dismissive wave, making it clear that he was not interested in the least, and drove off. Despair overwhelmed Gao Zhun. He struggled as hard as he could, fought until his clothes were all askew, but his captor merely grabbed his hands from behind and half-carried him forward.
Step by step, Gao Zhun was forced deeper into the old neighborhood. Everywhere he turned, his eyes saw only peeling walls and broken stairs. Twice he tried to break away, to make a run for it, but he was dragged back with ease every time. At last, they stopped before a flat three stories above ground. A key turned in the lock and the door opened a crack. This was his last chance, Gao Zhun knew; like a lamb snared in a tiger’s jaws, he begged again and again for mercy, “L-let me go… please… let me go…”
“What you fussin’ for? F***ing is f***ing no matter who you bang.” The man shoved Gao Zhun into the room and slammed the door shut. “Stop acting all innocent when you’ve been slutting around,” the man growled and swooped down on Gao Zhun’s lips, still standing by the entrance.
Gao Zhun glared at the man all through the wet, messy kiss. Just as he was about to bite down, the man flipped him around, threw him against the wall, and yanked down his pants. He could not even fight back no matter how much he wanted to. Then came the sound of the man spitting behind him, and the stretch of his asscheeks being pulled apart. “Condom…” A soft whimper fell from his lips as he made a desperate grab at the man’s wrist. “Put on a condom please…”
The man began looking for one, but found none in any of his own pockets. Gao Zhun pulled out a packet from his suit and passed it backward with a trembling hand. The man took it, tore it open with his teeth, and patted Gao Zhun on the ass rather wickedly. “Babe, you okay with me giving it to you straight?”
It was just a rhetorical question; the answer did not matter to the man at all. Gao Zhun braced himself against the stained white wall and dropped his gaze. “If I told you how it’d hurt and make me bleed… would you stop?” he wondered, murmuring to himself as tears spilled from his eyes at last and soaked into the porous surface against his cheek. Numbness washed over him. He was ready to give in, to bear the pain once more – but what entered him in the end was not the man’s c***. It was an eager, dexterous tongue.
A panicked cry burst from Gao Zhun’s throat as his entire body flung itself against the wall. Merciless in its pursuit, the tongue forced its way into his ass, licking in circles all along his convulsing walls as it screwed further and further into the hole. It was sheer madness. Everything about that tongue’s movements was absurdly obscene, and the most alarming shocks of pleasure ripped through Gao Zhun’s flesh with every swirl. Sobs and frantic cries filled the air. Reaching back with both hands, Gao Zhun pushed at the man’s head with all his strength. The tongue backed out and licked a hot, wet stripe up the length of Gao Zhun’s body; spit glistened in the morning glow, drawing a clear trail from his privates to his tailbone, the dimples on his back, and his spine. “C’mere,” the man’s voice rumbled, “lemme see if you’re into it yet.” His hand reached between Gao Zhun’s legs from the front, grabbed the erection between those thighs, and gave the shaft a few light rubs. “Hubby’s gonna put it in now, alright?”
“What h-hub…” Gao Zhun could not stand the way the man spoke; no one had ever used such language on him before, not even once in any of his countless hookups. Blood rushed to his head as utter humiliation choked off the words in his throat. Then the man was inside him. His back tensed at the sudden intrusion, and the pummeling began at once, brutal and furious. The man held nothing back; pistoning his hips with shocking precision and inexhaustible strength, he impaled Gao Zhun again and again as if every thrust was his last. The sensation of being ripped in half was all Gao Zhun could feel. White-hot flashes burst across his vision, and his fingers scrabbled in vain at the wall. He was so close to coming – so, so close – but everything came to a halt right before he could hit his climax. The thrusting stopped; kneading the flesh on Gao Zhun’s back and shoulders, the man pulled away.
Gao Zhun gasped for air as he struggled to catch his breath in the brief respite. When he tried to turn around for a look, he realized he could no longer move his arms and legs. They remained frozen in place like the numbed limbs of a drugged lab animal, and he shivered as he waited for the merciless scalpel to fall. The man returned very soon. Draping himself over Gao Zhun’s back, he pinched Gao Zhun’s left nipple between his fingers and asked, “You don’t have a weak heart, do you?”
“Huh?” Gao Zhun responded blankly. Almost at the same time, the man grabbed his buttocks and penetrated him once more. Nothing felt out of place – until the man was almost all the way inside. As the man rammed the last inch of his throbbing c*** into the body under him, Gao Zhun shrieked; it was an unhinged cry of the most piercing distress. “Wh-what’s that?!” He began shaking his ass wildly, desperate to flee from the insane pleasure clawing into his flesh and driving him out of his mind.
The thrills tearing through Gao Zhun escaped description. It felt as if there were dense, hard bristles all along the man’s girth, scraping back and forth at his rim as the shaft pounded into his hole. Unimaginable pleasure made him a complete mess, turning his limbs to boneless mush, and helpless mewls bubbled from his throat as he collapsed again and again towards the floor. Snot and tears streamed down his face, uncontrolled. It took only a dozen thrusts to throw him over the edge, and he howled himself hoarse as he spurted his load all over the concrete floor.
The man kept going; Gao Zhun stared at the huge splatter of cum in shock as he continued jolting up and down from the man’s relentless f***ing. He could not believe how he could have climaxed so fast, or come so much, when he had already been through two orgasms just hours ago. Behind him, sheathed in his spasming ass and squeezed tight by his convulsing walls, the man was close to finishing as well. Lifting Gao Zhun’s buttocks as high as possible into the air, the man slammed even harder into Gao Zhun with frenetic thrusts. There was no stopping Gao Zhun’s cries. Despite having spent himself, he continued screaming in ecstasy like an unsightly beast reveling in the depraved pleasure of it all.
Gao Zhun did not know when or how the man finished in the end. When his ravaged ass was freed at last, he heard the man drawl in contentment against his ear, “How was it babe? That’s the Peruvian goat-eye ring for you.1 Blew your mind eh?” Gao Zhun gritted his teeth as he struggled to endure the agonizing spasms of his violent afterglow. The man held him up with a hand on his waist and led him to the bath.
The room was very small and dim. An old washing machine stood in a corner; a pile of socks and underwear sat atop its lid, adding a lived-in feel to the tiny space. A faint scent hung in the air, smelling of citruses. The man turned on the shower. So strong was the water pressure that the showerhead shook in its bracket as the spray burst forth, and it even hurt a little when the water hit Gao Zhun’s skin. He stood in a daze as the young man washed him down with care. There was nothing sexual about his touch; the man was so attentive and thorough that it was almost as if they were family. “It didn’t hurt, did it? No bleeding either,” he began in a placatory murmur, slowly massaging Gao Zhun’s waist. “How did I do, hm? How are you gonna rate me?”
Gao Zhun ignored the man; his vacant eyes stared into the rising steam, which had been colored saffron by the light. With a gentle hand, the young man turned Gao Zhun’s face towards himself and tenderly stroked the soft cheek under his palm. His glistening, adoring gaze lingered on Gao Zhun as if he had something to say but could not bring himself to speak aloud.
Despite the huge difference in their physiques, they were rather similar in height. The man stood very close as he caressed Gao Zhun’s face between his hands – so close that Gao Zhun thought he was about to be kissed once more, or ravaged again. But nothing happened in the end. After drying himself with a few haphazard swipes of his towel, the young man left the shower. The door clicked shut. Bit by bit, Gao Zhun lowered himself until he was crouching on the floor, shivering a little in spite of how hot the water was. Music began playing in the room beyond, and faint traces of the melody wafted through the door. His eyes flickered and caught sight of a small glass board on the floor below the sink. There was a burnt candle stuck to its surface, as well as a fruit knife spattered with dried wax. He picked up the knife, got to his feet, and looked into the misted mirror; only a blurred outline hovered where his face should be. With the blade sitting heavy in one hand, Gao Zhun ran the other hand over his face and opened the door.
A bed stood facing the doorway, where the man lay stark naked on the covers. It was daybreak; morning light shone into the room, casting a pink glow all over that young body which was still full of life. A pile of clothes belonging to Gao Zhun sat in a corner on the bed, while a voice crooned quietly in Cantonese from a small speaker on the windowsill:2
The ceaseless lapping of rain on the window pane
Eats into your slumber and spatters the hair of those walking past.
Fear not while you’re weeping in fright.
Love reigns over a guiltless empire.
Close your window.
Let’s start dreaming, your hand in mine, the end of all flights.
This crazy world bears down on us with disapproval.
For you, I will bear it all with heart and soul.
The knife was now propped against the edge of the sink. A single forward stride was all Gao Zhun needed to free himself from that horrific night, the festering sickness within him, his pointless promiscuity – and Fang Chi. There was the source of his suffering, only a blade’s length away from him, and yet… Was it a trick of the light, or the fault of the song? He seemed only to be looking at an image of himself, so lonely and helpless. In the corner of those lips touched by the sun, Gao Zhun thought he saw the glimmer of a fallen tear.
May there be a place
Where love can find a haven
For the colors we hold true within.
May there be a day
When pain can find its meaning
In the forbidden colors flowing free beyond our dreams…
The young man was lost in the song. When he noticed all of a sudden that Gao Zhun watching him, he looked away with a self-conscious turn of his head and sprung out of bed, still butt naked. “Eat something before you go. I made some wontons last night.”
If this is where love must be hurt
And the colors of our hearts effaced,
Let me disappear in this night of storms
And be born again in a time where dreams may live.
The grip on the knife loosened; the moment passed, and Gao Zhun stepped out of the bathroom. His clothes waited on the bed, neatly folded. Fire and water sputtered in the kitchen. He looked all around the flat and, out of the blue, he realized how much it resembled his childhood home – that tiny space in which only he and his mother lived, so long ago, without any artwork, luxury cars, or VIP gold cards.
“C’mere!” A yell echoed in the kitchen, “Help me rinse a couple bowls!” Gao Zhun looked in the direction of the voice but did not move. “Hurry,” the man added, “or I’ll go o’er and beat you up!” Gao Zhun felt no fear, only a most laughable tinge of absurdity. He walked over, bare feet on concrete floor, and coldness seeped into his soles.
A homely aroma filled the kitchen as wontons tumbled about in the pot. Spider3 in hand, the young man pointed out the crockery cabinet to Gao Zhun. It had been many years since Gao Zhun last did anything like this. He took out two bowls, turned on the tap, and splashed them about in the running water. The young man put down his spider at the sight. “Don’t you know how to wash a bowl?” Gao Zhun responded with a sidelong glance. The next moment, a pair of arms reached out from behind Gao Zhun, one on each side as if they were about to fold him into an embrace. He stiffened at once, and the young man sensed the tension in his body. “Why? Not used to this?” the young man asked as he tightened his arms around Gao Zhun. Then, tucking Gao Zhun snugly to his chest, he nuzzled at Gao Zhun’s neck. “Or are you actually loving it?”
There they stood, flesh against flesh, two beautiful naked bodies in a kitchen touched by dawn. Pale blue flames flickered on the stove. Hate, unspoken and unspeakable hate, cut into the throat like a bone that could not be swallowed. Under the tap, in the water running so fast that it seemed to have turned white, two pairs of hands dodged and tangled with each other while the bowls became almost too slippery to hold on to.
“For a moment just now,” Gao Zhun said at last, “I wanted to kill you.”
- Goat-eye ring: A type of c*** ring made from goat eyelids, often with the eyelashes still attached. Nowadays, most goat-eye rings are made from synthetic materials and fibers, but organic ones made from real goat eyelids are still available at higher prices.
- “Forbidden Colors” by Tat Ming Pair: 《禁色》(达明一派) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bkrVqjBJ_HQ
- Tat Ming Pair was a Hong Kong Cantopop duo formed in 1985 by composer Tats Lau and vocalist Anthony Wong Yiu-ming. Their unique blend of experimental music, combined with their exploration of contemporary social, political and literary themes, made them one of the first alternative and most influential bands of the ’80s in Hong Kong.
- “Forbidden Colors” was released in 1988, and was one of the first songs in the Hong Kong music industry that dealt with the controversial topic of homosexuality. It has since become an LGBT anthem.
- The name of the song was inspired by the title of a novel written by Mishima Yukio, Kinjiki (禁色 in kanji).
- The song was also used in To Liv(e), a 1992 film by Evans Chan. The film was inspired by actress Liv Ullmann’s 1990 visit to Hong Kong, during which she decried the government’s forced deportation of 51 Vietnamese refugees.
- The translated lyrics in this chapter are primarily based on the translation in the film, with some changes and additions from me.
- Spider: Known as “笊篱” (zhaoli) in Chinese, a spider is a type of cooking utensil commonly used in East Asia. It is a skimming tool that has a long handle and a wide, shallow basket. It can be made from bamboo, wicker, or wire. Besides skimming stock, spiders are often used to drain or lift pieces of food from boiling water, hot oil, or broths.