Translator: HillarybyHillary
Editor: Eric Rasputin
Quality Check: Isalee
First Published on Chaleuria
Gao Zhun’s hands gripped the steering wheel as he stared through the windscreen at the apartment block by the road. Fang Chi had given him the address. He had been working at a gallery that afternoon when he received the call. His heart was pounding hard, and his entire chest felt like it was boiling from within.
“Hello,” he answered, trying desperately to appear calm. “Who is this?”
After a moment of silence, a voice answered, “It’s me, Fang Chi.” Fang Chi’s voice was so quiet and delicate that it seemed as if Gao Zhun had imagined it. He pulled the phone closer to his ear in a frantic attempt to gratify himself by just the other man’s voice. The phone call he had been waiting for over two months now seemed so normal. He had imagined all sorts of scenarios and pictured every possible conversation in his mind. However, now that they were finally speaking again, he was at a complete loss and couldn’t think straight.
Fang Chi said, “Ummm… Can I trouble you to come pick me up this afternoon? I don’t own a car at the moment.”
Gao Zhun knew it was a lame excuse, but his lips were momentarily out of his control as he blatantly lied, “I have a lot going on today. How about you leave me your address, and if I’m free later on, I’ll drop by.”
After the call ended, Gao Zhun could finally breathe again. He took a few much-needed deep breaths as goosebumps covered his entire body. He really did have a lot going on today, with his gallery and company just starting out. But, he canceled his whole afternoon in a heartbeat — turning down two clients as well as a contract negotiation meeting. After sorting out some urgent matters at hand, he left straight for the address given by Fang Chi, parked at the side of the road, and sat in his car waiting hour after hour.
By the time Fang Chi emerged from the apartment lobby, it was already four in the afternoon. He stood under a big sign that read: “Psychological Disease Treatment and Prevention Center.” Seeing the man, Gao Zhun pumped his horn. Fang Chi flinched slightly before starting to walk toward him. He looked distinctly thinner, almost as if he was sick.
Fang Chi got in, bringing a slight breeze with him as he sat down in the front passenger seat and quickly shut the door after himself.
Nervously, Gao Zhun gripped the steering wheel tighter and forced himself to maintain his indifferent facade. However, deep down, his heart was going crazy as he thought of all the things he wanted to say to the other man. But before he could utter a sound, Fang Chi beat him to it, “You’ve changed your car.”
“Oh, yeah,” Gao Zhun casually responded, then released the handbrake and drove out. “I just changed it.”
He couldn’t tell exactly what it was, but Gao Zhun had an odd feeling that Fang Chi had somehow changed. He didn’t seem as confident as he was before or as calm. “A Jeep doesn’t seem like your style.”
Gao Zhun’s eyebrows twitched slightly, before he emphatically answered, “But he likes this style.”
“He…” Fang Chi mumbled but didn’t ask who ‘he’ was, tactfully keeping his mouth shut without saying another word. The silence dragged on as Gao Zhun started to regret what he said. Anxiously, he waited until he could stop at the next red light, then pulled out a cigarette, took a deep swig, and lowered the window to blow out the smoke.
Before he came, Gao Zhun fixed his hair while driving home to change into a fitted suit and a pair of polished leather shoes. Fang Chi noticed all these little details as he observed the man seated next to him — separated by the central console — he seemed so close yet so far away. There was so much Fang Chi wanted to say, like “How is your new company doing?” or “Are you still afraid of the dark?” But in the end, what came out of his mouth was simply, “You smoke now.”
Gao Zhun glanced at the cigarette between his fingers and smiled helplessly, “A bad habit.” As another awkward silence descended upon the car, Gao Zhun turned on the CD player in an attempt to lighten the mood. The volume increased as the music became clearer and clearer:
In order to please you because we just got close,
Because your lips seemed like they needed some warmth,
A kiss is just a kiss, so don’t ask anything,
And simply forget as that’s your only responsibility going forward…
Fang Chi could understand a little Cantonese as he listened to the song. The depressing lyrics somehow just reminded him of how Gao Zhun looked wrapped in another man’s arms last night. “This song…” he paused as he loosened his collar and continued, “Is it also what ‘he’ likes?”
Gao Zhun turned his head, diverting his eyes from the road, and looked at Fang Chi as the song continued to play in the background:
Don’t worry, you won’t regret this forever,
Tomorrow someone much crueler than you will betray me,
So don’t be kind or compassionate,
Because I will fall for you easily…
This song was indeed one of Zou Yun’s favorites, but Gao Zhun didn’t want to admit that. “No,” he said, lying. At that moment, his phone started to ring; it was Zou Yun. Gao Zhun looked at Fang Chi while pressing his index finger to his lips to say ‘shhh’, and lowered the volume of the music. The lyrics faded out, but Fang Chi could still hear the last few lines:
Whoever comes I will embrace them, for love is instinctual,
There’s no need to try to be the one and only,
For whoever’s name will be etched as a painful scar,
Will hurt deeper than the other’s endless longing…
Gao Zhun answered the call on speaker as Zou Yun’s lively and slightly annoying voice filled the car, “Babe, I made vegetarian dumplings for dinner tonight. Is there anything else you want?”
“Make some congee,” he said. With his cigarette still pinched between his fingers, Gao Zhun indicated and easily changed lanes before adding, “Like the vegetarian one you made last time.”
“When will you be back?” Zou Yun moaned, clearly quite clingy to Gao Zhun. “The dumplings will be cold soon.”
“Traffic jam. I should be back in around forty minutes.”
Fang Chi’s fists clenched by his side as a throbbing pain clutched his heart when he heard their domesticated conversation. It wasn’t clear whether he had simply forgotten to stay quiet or whether he had intended to speak out, but Fang Chi suddenly said coldly, “I want to get off.”
Gao Zhun didn’t even have time to respond before Zou Yun angrily yelled through the phone, “Damn it! Who the f*** is that?!”
The blood drained from Fang Chi’s face as he kept his mouth shut. On the other hand, Zou Yun continued to curse and yell endlessly over the phone. After a moment, Gao Zhun tsk-ed before swiftly hanging up. Fang Chi was taken aback by Gao Zhun’s response, but the phone started to ring again before he could ask. Gao Zhun immediately declined the incoming call; within the next minute, this repeated around five to six times. After ten minutes, Zou Yun seemed to have calmed down before he called back again; this time, Gao Zhun picked up. Without showing any sign of remorse, Gao Zhun asked, “Have you calmed down now?”
Zou Yun was clearly still throwing a tantrum as he silently seethed over the phone. Gao Zhun took the initiative and spoke up first, “Don’t bother waiting for me for dinner.”
“Is he still there?” Zou Yun asked in a low, muffled voice, then added shyly, “Umm… Just now, that was my fault. I’m sorry, okay.”
Gao Zhun snorted, “Who the hell are you to me?! You don’t need to apologize to me.”
Fang Chi’s eyes widened, but he didn’t move an inch. In fact, he didn’t even dare to turn his head to see the look on the other man’s face. His fingers trembled uncontrollably to the point where he could barely clench his fists anymore.
“Whatever, if you want to wait, you can wait. But stop being all sappy with me,” Gao Zhun finished what he wanted to say and hung up.
This time, the car was so quiet that only the engine’s gentle humming could be heard. Like a dead branch coming back to life, Fang Chi felt a sudden surge of confidence as he said again, “I want to get off.”
Gao Zhun squinted at him, before suddenly accelerating down the road. “Can you not throw a tantrum at me as well?”
Although what Gao Zhun said wasn’t anything sweet or affectionate, Fang Chi couldn’t help his lips from curving up at the sides as he subtly turned his face away to look out the window.
After around ten minutes of driving, the building where Fang Chi’s old clinic was appeared in the distance, Gao Zhun saw this and slowed down the car. He couldn’t help himself from selfishly reminiscing about their past fleeting relationship; he really missed the moments they spent together. The car eventually slowed to a stop by the roadside as Gao Zhun quietly waited for Fang Chi to get out of the car. The seat belts clicked while unfastening and the creaking sound of moving in the leather seats all reminded Gao Zhun of their past as it made his heart clench and nearly brought tears to his eyes.
Suddenly, Fang Chi said, “Today… is Wednesday.”
Gao Zhun whipped his head around as a silent fire was set aflame in his eyes.