Translator: HillarybyHillary
Editor: Eric Rasputin
Quality Check: Isalee
First Published on Chaleuria
“Damn it! The production team must’ve forced Master Chen into faking his affection toward that scheming Zhun. Master Chen is such a dedicated and professional person… Just thinking about it makes me wanna cry!”
“Forced by the production team +100861! My Master Chen can’t possibly be homosexual. Do you think all his ex-girlfriends are stupid? There’s no way I believe this! Can the production team have some dignity and stop this? Regardless, I’m definitely not watching this film since this type of promotional tactic is just too revolting!”
“Whatever, just leave it be. What is there to fight about? Deep in the Act is a gay film. What’s so special about the lead actors being linked with homosexual gossip? It’s basically a well-known coordinated process.”
Zhang Zhun kept scrolling as the blue light reflecting from the screen made his eyes look like it was glistening with a layer of moisture.
“All that is just to help whitewash2 Chen Hsin. To be honest, I was there that day. If it turns out Chen Hsin and Zhang Zhun aren’t actually together, I’ll go jump into the Huangpu River3! When they saw the photo, Zhang Zhun’s face paled from the shock and when we asked questions, he didn’t even hear a single word. It was all thanks to Chen Hsin’s ‘big boyfriend energy’ as he hugged Zhang Zhun and forced their way out of there. That hug was so tight and protective, like he was hugging his own wife!”
Zhang Zhun really wanted to stop reading, but his fingers refused to cooperate. It was like it had a mind of its own. He started to scroll again, but even after scrolling a few times, the page did not move. He unconsciously wiped his sweaty palms on his pants before trying again.
“I also think they might have actually ended up together since there are so many celebrities that hook up after working together. To be honest, I saw Zhang Zhun during the Northern Peak fan meeting and he really does look quite sexy. I wouldn’t be surprised if Chen Hsin ended up really getting too deep into the act.”
“Even if Master Chen did fall too deep into the act, Zhang Zhun must’ve seduced him. That bastard!”
Zhang Zhun finally stopped scrolling as he stared blankly at the last few lines on the webpage: “No way! I thought those two couldn’t stand each other?! The sky must be about to collapse! Thinking back, I was still talking s*** about Zhang Zhun on the web forums just two days ago. If that’s the case, Master Chen must hate me now. Nooooo, I don’t want that!”
“Hey, you up there4, you’re not alone! I’m the same as you, I feel like s*** right now! Master Chen, if you’re in a relationship, why didn’t you say anything? If I had known he was yours, I wouldn’t have said all those bad things about him…”
“In front of others you act as if you’re absolutely irreconcilable, but behind everyone’s backs you both are actually joined at the hip. This disguise is just too good… I don’t wanna hear it, I don’t wanna hear it!”
“Am I the only one that thinks this photo gives you the feels? A clandestine date is kinda cute… I want the video…”
Zhang Zhun slammed the laptop shut with a loud bang, then rested his head on the table.
“You don’t have to say it. I won’t agree.” Chen Hsin was talking on the phone in front of the window. In fact, it was more like yelling than talking as he paced around restlessly. “If I go around looking for another woman after just breaking up, it’s not much better than going to the movies with a man!”
Zhang Zhun knew who Chen Hsin was talking to. It was Madam Li, Chen Hsin’s manager.
“You don’t have to plan anything. Even if you do, I won’t cooperate.” This time, Chen Hsin was very determined. He was adamant that he would not compromise whatsoever. “The fans aren’t stupid. They clearly know we are trying to cover up this gay scandal with another straight one!”
Zhang Zhun tilted his head to the side and looked straight into the light as he stared at the other man’s silhouette. Zhang Zhun was trying really hard to hold it together, but the more he tried, the sadder he felt.
“What did you say?” Suddenly, Chen Hsin’s tone changed, “I dare you to say it again.”
Zhang Zhun straightened his back as he heard the change in the other man’s tone. He could tell just from his voice that Chen Hsin was about to explode in anger. Sure enough, Chen Hsin raised his voice as he interrogated Li Ling-Li, “What do you mean, ‘A man and a man together is sick?’ Do you mean messing around with a woman is more honorable than messing around with a man?!”
It seemed even Li Ling-Li found it hard to control her emotions as her sharp and raised voice could be heard yelling through the phone. Zhang Zhun stood up. He didn’t want them to argue anymore, but just as he was about to persuade the other man, he heard Chen Hsin say, “Fine. You don’t have to speculate anymore. I’ll tell you everything right now. Indeed, he and I are together. We are gay; we are sick!”
Zhang Zhun was stunned as he froze for about a second before he reacted. He rushed forward to grab Chen Hsin’s phone and hung up the call with trembling hands. Zhang Zhun turned to face the other man, and gasped, “Are you insane?!” He felt a shiver run through his entire body as he looked at Chen Hsin in horror. “What are you doing?!”
“I’m coming out!” Chen Hsin shouted back, turning his unfinished sentence with Li Ling-Li at Zhang Zhun instead. “What? You dared to do it, but won’t dare to admit it?!”
Zhang Zhun’s expression changed as he ruthlessly threw down the phone and abruptly slapped Chen Hsin across the face. The slap was neither strong nor weak, but Chen Hsin still covered his face with his hands in shock. Chen Hsin said with a look of utter grievance as if he was about to cry, “That first night, who was the one that said ‘There’s no turning back?!’”
“I never thought of turning back! The secretive relationship we had together or even being f***ed in the ass by you like a woman. Even after all of that I never thought of turning back!” Having let out his most deep-felt thoughts, Zhang Zhun visibly softened as he pleaded with the other man, “But I can’t come out…”
“Why?!” Chen Hsin yelled.
“Before I turned twenty, I only knew how to fight. Apart from that, all I have left is acting. Don’t take that away from me; it’s all I have…”
Chen Hsin reached out and held Zhang Zhun’s hand tightly as he lowered his voice, “You still have me…”
Zhang Zhun wiped his tears away and smiled bitterly, “Then should I just live like a woman and depend on you? I know you’re wealthy, but how many ‘twenty million’ do you have?”
Again with the ‘twenty million,’ Chen Hsin didn’t know what to say to that. Zhang Zhun struggled to pull his hand free, only succeeding to free one finger as he said, “I have to think about my family.”
Chen Hsin couldn’t take the other man’s cowardice. “What does this have to do with them?!”
“I don’t want my mom to have to keep her head down every time she goes out.” Zhang Zhun half turned away, unable to look the younger man in his eyes, then mumbled, “She probably doesn’t even know what homosexuality is.”
Impatience started to build within Chen Hsin as a headache pulsed in his temples. “Why are you so afraid of everything? You coward!”
Those heated words hurt Zhang Zhun, even if it was just a little. “Yes, I’m a coward. But that’s just how society is. Where I’m from, this is how things are. In the mainland, this is just how things are!” In a moment of anger, he added, “It doesn’t compare to your Taiwan.”
Chen Hsin’s frown deepened, “What is my Taiwan? What do you mean?!”
Zhang Zhun stood his ground and refused to apologize. Chen Hsin also refused to back down as his anger was on the verge of exploding. “Think about Gao Zhun and Fang Chi. They have it hard too. Even with everything against them, they still ended up together. Are we not even comparable to two imaginary characters?!”
This was what Zhang Zhun was most afraid to hear. He quickly bit back, “That’s fiction. It’s a fantasy, a script!”
Chen Hsin grabbed his shoulders. “The story is fake, but the feelings are real!”
Zhang Zhun pushed him away. “Chen Hsin, you’re too deep into the act!”
“I’m too deep into the act?” Chen Hsin angrily asked. “Who was it that called me ‘Fang Chi’ in bed?!”
“When?!” Zhang Zhun frowned.
Chen Hsin knew he had made a mistake. After taking a moment to calm himself, he said gently, “Can you honestly say you haven’t gotten too deep into the act too?”
Zhang Zhun was silent. It was a silence that spoke more than words. It was a silence that cut one’s heart and pierced one’s lungs. There was nothing he could say to that as his mouth opened and closed stupidly. Eventually, he said, “Yes… I did get too deep into the act.” His voice got even quieter, “At most, we’ll have another week, and after that filming will end. We should also step out of this act now.”
Even though Chen Hsin knew Zhang Zhun’s words were said in a moment of anger, he still left in a huff, slamming the door after himself. Zhang Zhun cursed himself in frustration.
***
Chen Cheng-Sen asked Zhou Zheng to announce the start of the meeting. All the different departments started to gather around as Zhang Zhun smoked just outside the door. Chen Cheng-Sen casually called out to Chen Hsin, “Hey, go get Zhang Zhun.”
Such a simple task, yet Chen Hsin looked around for a while before spotting Xiao-Deng and Xiao-Wang far away, standing by the opposite wall. Chen Hsin called out, “Deng Zicheng, go call Zhang Zhun to come in; the meeting is about to start.”
Chen Cheng-Sen and Zhou Zheng exchanged a glance but didn’t say anything. Zhang Zhun stubbed out his cigarette and came in. Out of habit, Zhou Zheng indicated at the empty seat next to Chen Hsin for Zhang Zhun. Yet, instead of making his way over as usual, Zhang Zhun uncharacteristically walked around and sat down next to the camera crew.
Everyone could feel the change between the two men, but with a tacit and mutual understanding, no one openly commented on it.
“Okay, okay. Let’s start the meeting.” Chen Cheng-Sen used his script to tap the armrest. “This will be our last work-related meeting. You have all seen the filming schedule, and you know there are only four and a half days left of filming, but let me first say that we might have to shoot extra scenes! Anyways, let me point out a few things…”
Chen Hsin’s phone rang. Zhang Zhun guessed it was Li Ling-Li as he saw his bewildered expression. Chen Hsin answered the call with his hand over his mouth. After just a few words, his voice changed piquing with interest, “Mhmm… Is it a movie or theater show? I see, and the production house?”
Chen Hsin already had a new gig lined up; Zhang Zhun felt so envious and a little disappointed. For a film proposed to the ‘King of the Silver Screen,’ the production value must be relatively high.
“It’s a night shoot tonight, and I have something to do during the day. But I’m free after five, let’s say between five and seven? Okay.”
As Chen Hsin hung up, Zhang Zhun immediately averted his eyes. Chen Cheng-Sen was still talking away, spitting his saliva everywhere. Suddenly, Zhang Zhun’s phone chimed; it was a message tone. He took out his phone and saw that it was a message from his mom: [No matter how busy you are with work, you should give Danyi a call.]
[Mom. Actually, Danyi and I broke up already.]
After he finished typing out the message, he was about to press send when his finger hesitated over the button. He thought for a moment before deleting the message and replied with one single word: [Okay.]
Footnotes:
- +10086 – is a commonly used slang on Chinese web forums/discussions that means ‘I totally agree with you.’ Netizens would usually post ‘+1 – I agree with you,’ and another person would reply with ‘+10086 – I totally agree with you.’ The choice of the numbers ‘10086’ is because it is one of the most commonly used phone numbers in mainland China. China Mobile customers — one of China’s biggest mobile network providers — dial 10086 for its services.
- Whitewash – (洗白) is a term used by Chinese netizens to refer to a situation where a character initially believed to be bad, turns out to be on the good side. It’s also used as a verb to mean ‘having one’s bad reputation absolved.’
- Huangpu River – (黄浦江) is a manmade 113km river that flows north through Shanghai. Famous tourist locations like ‘The Bund 外滩’ and ‘Lujiazui 陆家嘴’ are located along the Huangpu River.
- You up there – (楼上的) or ‘you upstairs’ is used by netizens to indicate the previous comment on a web forum/discussion.