Translator: HillarybyHillary
Editor: Eric Rasputin
Quality Check: Isalee
First Published on Chaleuria
With a sheen of sweat on his body, Gao Zhun panted while trying to recover his breathing. Although they had clearly finished doing it, Fang Chi’s arms were stubbornly wrapped around the other man as if he was still unsatisfied, refusing to let go. He kissed Gao Zhun passionately as they lay on the floor of the living room, with the television behind them openly displaying an erotic, pornographic scene of two Caucasian men entwined together as they moaned and groaned in unison. Gao Zhun curled his toes and shrank into himself, embarrassed.
“What we’re doing now…” Fang Chi paused, then licked his sensitive armpit as he rephrased, “What exactly are we?”
Fang Chi’s teasing left Gao Zhun in a shivering mess. Gao Zhun gently pushed Fang Chi’s face away as he tried to calm himself. Instead, Fang Chi grabbed his fingers and chewed on his fingertips, mumbling, “I… What am I to you?”
Gao Zhun hummed absent-mindedly. Fang Chi didn’t hear him clearly, so he grabbed Gao Zhun’s chin and looked straight into his lustful expression as he said coldly, “The others… have you cut off all ties with them?”
“Others?” Fang Chi didn’t even want to think about it. “I don’t have any ‘others.’”
Gao Zhun didn’t make a sound as he struggled to disentangle himself from the other man’s embrace. But Fang Chi simply held on tighter, refusing to let go again. At this moment, the phone on the sofa began to ring:
Goodbye my almost lover, goodbye my hopeless dream…
Gao Zhun had heard this melody numerous times before. The lyrics were almost engraved in his mind, but it wasn’t until now that he felt such annoyance toward it. Fang Chi reached over to grab the phone. Unintentionally, Gao Zhun happened to see the number displayed on the screen, and it seemed awfully familiar — it was a call from his own home.
Fang Chi finally let go of him and got up to walk into the kitchen. “Hello?” he asked.
From the other end of the phone, Zuo Linlin was crying as she said between broken sobs, “Charles, are you busy? Can you come over for a bit?”
“What’s wrong? Tell me over the phone.” Fang Chi obviously didn’t want to go over.
“No. You come here. Come here now!” she cried out hysterically. “I’m going crazy! I can’t stand living like this anymore!”
“You shouldn’t be telling this to me.” Fang Chi sighed, then continued, “Don’t call me anymore.” He was just about to hang up when Zuo Linlin suddenly calmed down and said one word at a time, “If you don’t come now, I’ll cut myself.”
That instantly brought chills to Fang Chi’s entire body. After pausing for a while, he finally said, “Just calm down first…”
“I can’t calm down!” Zuo Linlin knew, she knew that with those words she had Fang Chi under her control again. Calmly, she said, “Charles, half an hour. If you don’t come, I’ll commit suicide!”
The call disconnected immediately. Fang Chi felt trapped as he fiddled with his phone in frustration before walking back out into the living room. “I’m heading out for a bit,” he said to Gao Zhun.
Gao Zhun had already turned off the television. Fully naked, he casually lay on the sofa looking very relaxed as he smoked a cigarette. Gao Zhun tilted his head toward him and asked, “What happened?”
“It’s nothing, I’ll be back soon.”
Fang Chi started to dress, as Gao Zhun continued to smoke leisurely. Just as the cigarette was about to fizzle out, he said, “If you don’t go, I can promise you one request.” Fang Chi didn’t notice it, but Gao Zhun’s hand holding the cigarette was trembling uncontrollably. “Anything you want.”
Now fully dressed, Fang Chi shook his head and said, “Let me borrow your car.”
Gao Zhun had recently bought a new Jaguar. It was so new that he hadn’t even had the time to stick the window tint film yet. “Sure, drive carefully.”
Gao Zhun lit another cigarette after Fang Chi left. As he smoked, he rubbed the stickiness just below his nose where his snot and tears had gathered. He finally had enough after smoking three to five cigarettes. Gao Zhun got up and walked into the bathroom to splash ice-cold water onto his face.
Fang Chi’s ringtone continued to play in his mind, “Goodbye my almost lover, goodbye my hopeless dream…” The melancholy lyrics repeated endlessly, pushing Gao Zhun to the verge of tears. He felt like he couldn’t hold on any longer; this empty void in his heart couldn’t just be filled by having sex day and night. At this point, he simply wanted the power to disappear, just like the song lyrics: “I’m trying not to think about you, can’t you just let me be?”
Just as he was about to make up his mind, Gao Zhun turned his head and noticed a few drops that stood out against the pristine white washbasin. That flesh-colored liquid was too familiar to him. The spilled droplets appeared to be left by accident. They seemed to come from the direction of the storage cabinet behind the mirror.
Although Gao Zhun didn’t have a habit of putting his toiletries in the mirror cabinet — he knew that many people who returned from studying abroad often developed this habit. Gao Zhun hesitated for a moment before he swiftly yanked open the mirror and covered his mouth in surprise.
***
Fang Chi managed to rush over in twenty minutes. Zuo Linlin opened the door for him. The moment she saw him, she leaped into his arms and murmured ‘miss you’ and ‘love you’ repeatedly and unashamedly in his ear. Fang Chi pushed her away, then swiftly glanced around the house. Everything was in perfect order; the room was tidy and didn’t appear to be in disorder. “Everything seems fine. What is it that you can’t stand?”
“I can’t stand being alone.” She leaned into his chest seductively as her delicate features made it quite apparent that she had applied a little make-up before he arrived. “You know this, but I’ve been spoiled all my life and I can’t stand being left alone.”
Fang Chi knew her all too well. Zuo Linlin was someone that wanted something but would give nothing back in return, whether it was mentally or materially; it was the same for her. “If nothing’s wrong, I’m going to leave then.”
He turned to leave, but Zuo Linlin squeezed around him to stand in front of him again. “I regret it, Charles. I really regret everything!” she pleaded.
Fang Chi wanted to push past her, but she simply stepped back and blocked his exit with her whole body. “Give me another chance.” Tears started to run down her cheeks, tears that seemed so real. “This time, I promise to cherish our time together!”
Fang Chi stood there, perplexed, and said, “I don’t love you anymore.”
“Impossible!” She shook her head. “You’re just blaming me. I’ll admit my mistakes. Is that not enough?” She leaned forward to grab Fang Chi’s hand, but he instantly drew back. A little embarrassed by his blatant rejection, she said, “Gao Zhun lied to me. I never thought he would be so shameless…”
“Don’t slander him!” There was no way Fang Chi could tolerate her talking this way about him. Gao Zhun was his precious lifeline after all.
“I’m slandering him?” Zuo Linlin’s eyes widened. She couldn’t believe the blatant bias in his words. “You don’t understand him. No one is as cruel as him!” She raised her voice with each sentence. “He doesn’t love anyone. He just loves himself!” she screamed.
Fang Chi’s heart ached deep down as if he was shaken to the core. He looked quite flustered as he tried to defend Gao Zhun, “It’s not what it seems…”
“It’s exactly as it seems!” Zuo Linlin screamed as she became more aggressive. “He always looks down on everyone, even though the people around him always support him. When has he ever taken anyone seriously? Do you think he treats you as a friend? If he wasn’t mentally ill, he never would’ve looked at you!”
Fang Chi found it difficult to breathe as he just wanted to push her away and get out of there. However, Zuo Linlin took the opportunity to pounce on him instead. She stretched her body into a graceful and seductive posture, desperately holding onto him as she forcefully kissed his chapped lips. Even while his ex-girlfriend passionately seduced him, all Fang Chi felt was utter disgust. It wasn’t because she was promiscuous, or that she was vain. At that moment, none of that really mattered to him. The difference was, or perhaps most importantly, she was no longer the one in his heart.
“Let go of me!” He yelled as he quickly broke free. Zuo Linlin didn’t give up as she forced herself onto him. Their current interaction was more like hand-to-hand combat rather than the affection of two passionate lovers. Fang Chi felt as if he had been forced into a corner as he anxiously blurted out, “I have someone I love already!”
Zuo Linlin paused, then coldly laughed as she said, “Who are you trying to fool?” As usual, she simply dismissed and ridiculed him, “Apart from me, what other woman would catch your fancy?”
Fang Chi was speechless for a second before he let out a sigh. “You are too vain.”
“I have the right to be vain,” Zuo Linlin arrogantly lifted her chin, accentuating the seductive curve of her neck. “Why are you still using that ringtone? You think I don’t know what it means?”
Fang Chi didn’t say anything, so she naturally assumed she had guessed correctly. Clearly pleased with herself, she continued, “As soon as I beckon you over with my fingers, you will…”
“I’m homosexual,” Fang Chi blurted out, not allowing her to finish her sentence before he cut in again, “I like men now.”
Zuo Linlin tilted her head to the side and looked at him with a weird expression, almost as if she had misheard him.
“We’re already living together,” Fang Chi continued to say.
Although Zuo Linlin paled, she still laughed and dismissed him once more, “Such a ridiculous excuse!”
“It’s true.” Fang Chi wasn’t in a rush to leave anymore. He leaned against the entranceway and said earnestly, “He’s the one I want to be with for the rest of my life.”
“The rest of your life,” Zuo Linlin murmured, finally seeming to believe his words since no one would take their lifetime commitment as a joke after all. “Is it because of me?” she asked in a trembling voice. “Is it because I hurt you?”
“No,” Fang Chi’s expression softened, but that gentle look in his eyes wasn’t aimed at her. “Only after meeting him did I really understand what love is. It’s not just eating, going shopping, or watching movies together. It’s more like life and death. It’s absolutely heart-clenching!”
Zuo Linlin really started to shed tears now. But these tears were not for her previous lover’s changed heart. Instead, it was for the embarrassment of her actions and the end of her future plans. In a final struggle to hold on, she exclaimed, “You’re wrong!” Then started to unbutton her pajamas. Without a bra underneath, she quickly pulled away her top to reveal two perky snow-white breasts. “Let me show you what a man’s love is like!”
Fang Chi spared her a quick glance before instantly dodging her advance. Zuo Linlin was half-naked as she reached for his belt but was pushed away by Fang Chi. Unable to get close to him, she frantically grabbed his hands and bit down hard on his purlicue1. She looked at him like an irrational beast with reddened eyes and refused to let go, then used both her hands to grab his wrists. She wanted to hold onto him, but due to some slippery substance on his wrist, she could not. She felt that something wasn’t quite right and quickly flipped his hand over as her hands were covered in some sticky skin-colored liquid. “What is this…” She stared at Fang Chi’s wrist in surprise. Half covered and half exposed were the unmistakable marks of several crisscrossed scars.
Footnotes:
- Purlicue – the soft space between the thumb and forefinger.