Translator: HillarybyHillary
Editor: Eric Rasputin
Quality Check: Isalee
First Published on Chaleuria
Gao Zhun stared at the numerous bottles of medication in the cabinet with his hand over his mouth. They were all dark brown bottles with colorful labels and medical terms. He was very familiar with some of them. Back when he suffered from depression, Fang Chi had prescribed those to him to relieve his depression and restrain his self-destructive tendencies.
His tears started to fall without him realizing it as he frantically picked up bottle after bottle, trying to distinguish the English medical terms printed on them. His hands started to shake so severely that several of the bottles slipped from his fingers and fell to the floor. As he looked down at the scattered mess by his feet, he noticed a small bottle of cosmetics amongst the medication. He bent down to retrieve the bottle and saw that it was a bottle of concealer.
Gao Zhun stared blankly ahead as if a fuse was blown, and the connection between his brain and body was severed. Standing there like an idiot, he could faintly hear the sound of a man crying. He touched his face and felt that his tears had long dried up – So who was crying?
He came out from the bathroom and searched around, listening for the sound of sobbing. It wasn’t coming from outside the window or from the neighbors. In a sudden realization, he understood — it was coming from deep within his own heart. All the tears he had shed, all the nights he had spent huddled in the corner dreaming of Fang Chi’s warmth, as well as all the times he had opened his legs to strange men. He had been crying on the inside as his heart ached beyond physical tears. However, it turned out that none of those previous experiences hurt as much as this did. The pain at this moment was so severe that he couldn’t even make a sound.
A sudden urge to call Fang Chi came over him as he started to look for his phone. He briefly remembered placing it on the coffee table as their kiss turned passionate that morning. Just as he found it and was about to call Fang Chi, he heard a commotion by the door as the man in question walked in. Fang Chi shook off his own coat and looked at him in surprise. “Why haven’t you gotten dressed yet?” he asked before making his way to the bathroom.
Gao Zhun hurriedly called after him, “You…”
Before he could finish his sentence, his phone started to vibrate in his hand. Gao Zhun hadn’t planned to pick up the call, but he frowned and answered on loud speaker the moment he saw the caller ID.
“Gao Zhun.” Fang Chi immediately stopped in front of the bathroom upon hearing Zuo Linlin’s voice through the speakerphone. He anxiously turned his head around to look in Gao Zhun’s direction. Gao Zhun didn’t make a sound as he quietly listened to what Zuo Linlin had to say, “I know we’ve already broken up and that I shouldn’t be calling you anymore, but about this… I really think I should tell you,” she sounded a little hesitant. “Fang Chi… You should stay away from him.”
“Why?” Just from his voice, one couldn’t tell the emotional turbulence in Gao Zhun’s heart, yet his eyes were clearly watery as he looked gently at Fang Chi. Hunched over with his shoulders trembling slightly, Fang Chi didn’t say anything as he listened quietly and a little shyly.
“He’s gay,” Zuo Linlin said in a demeaning tone. “When I introduced him to you, I really didn’t know that. But it seems he’s even moved in with his lover now. Just thinking about it makes me…”
Zuo Linlin’s words rushed out one after another but was cut short by Gao Zhun’s succinct answer, “Oh, I know.”
Clearly confused, Zuo Linlin was silent for a moment, thinking she had misunderstood him. She quickly recovered and changed her tone, “I… I’m just worried about you. We’ve been together for so long. No matter what, there’s still some feelings left…”
As if he hadn’t heard her at all, Gao Zhun cut in again, “That person is me.”
Zuo Linlin didn’t have a chance to react appropriately, “Huh?”
Fang Chi instantly stopped shaking and stood up straight. He adjusted his glasses and stared straight at Gao Zhun. As their eyes locked, Gao Zhun smiled widely back at him as he said loud and clear, “I said the person that’s living with him is me.”
After saying that, Gao Zhun hung up and walked toward the other man. Fang Chi stood with his eyes glittering as if he was staring at something magnificent; his lower jaw clenched and his entire body fluttered with excitement. The closer Gao Zhun got, the more Fang Chi trembled. He could smell the faint hint of nicotine on the other man. To him, that smell was like an addictive aphrodisiac. As he got close enough to touch, Gao Zhun reached out and lightly brushed his fingertips across Fang Chi’s fluttering eyelashes.
The phone suddenly started to vibrate in his hands, but Gao Zhun ignored it. “Where did you go?” he asked.
“You already know.” Fang Chi said as he stared obsessively at Gao Zhun’s lips.
“I want you to tell me.” Gao Zhun said while pouting his lips at him.
Fang Chi couldn’t hold back anymore and reached out to kiss those tempting lips. Just one kiss wasn’t enough for him, so he repeatedly pecked Gao Zhun and answered in between kisses, “She seemed mentally unstable, so I…”
Before Fang Chi could finish his sentence, Gao Zhun suddenly reacted. Instead of passively standing there being kissed, he took the upper hand and sucked Fang Chi’s lips fervently. In the blink of an eye, Gao Zhun had his arms wrapped around his shoulders and his leg hooked around the other man. Gao Zhun’s sudden attack pushed them both off balance as Fang Chi desperately grabbed his waist to steady them both. The two were like a pair of prisoners walking the plank, supporting each other in fear of falling off that tiny square inch of safe land.
“I… ahh mmm…” Fang Chi mumbled. Even though the words weren’t clear, Gao Zhun distinctly knew that Fang Chi had meant to say “I love you.” Seeing as his first attempt wasn’t clear enough, Fang Chi tried again. The more he repeated those three words, the rougher Gao Zhun’s kisses became. Just as Fang Chi was distracted by their passionate kiss, Gao Zhun let go of him and abruptly threw down his phone. Without a moment to spare, he grabbed Fang Chi’s left hand and yanked it to his eye level.
The first thing he noticed was the bloody bite mark on his purlicue. Fang Chi realized what Gao Zhun was doing and instantly reacted, pulling back his hand with a hidden burst of power. However, Gao Zhun was unwilling to give up as he reached out to grab Fang Chi’s hand again. After struggling back and forth for a while, tears started to roll down Gao Zhun’s cheeks, causing Fang Chi’s eyes to turn red as well. Gradually, the two stopped struggling as if all the barriers around them had been slowly stripped away until they were one. Gao Zhun carefully removed Fang Chi’s shirt’s cuffs, revealing three or four ugly scars at the most vulnerable part of his wrist where the main arteries were. Upon closer inspection, the crisscross marks were in different shades of pink. Clearly, he had attempted more than once.
Gao Zhun burrowed into Fang Chi’s embrace as the other man held on tightly. The two held onto each other as if their lives depended on it. “Be with me,” Gao Zhun pleaded, not wanting to waste another moment of their time together. With his head pressed up against Fang Chi’s chest, Gao Zhun listened to the delicate and throbbing heart of his lover. “Please?”
“Yes,” Fang Chi kissed his head as he repeatedly murmured, “Yes, yes.” Then as if he suddenly remembered something, he quickly added, “Quit smoking, please?”
“Yes,” Gao Zhun chuckled before changing into a serious expression and answered solemnly, “Yes!”
Gao Zhun’s phone was still vibrating stubbornly, abandoned on the floor behind them.