Translator: HillarybyHillary
Editor: Eric Rasputin
Quality Check: Isalee
First Published on Chaleuria
Chen Cheng-Sen wanted to add an extra scene.
“It’s the last scene, so I want everyone to bring their A-game,” Chen Cheng-Sen yelled to the cast and crew as he mulled over the angle of the shot. He had spent the last ten minutes thinking about the best way to light the space with the sun blazing through the window of Fang Chi’s ‘blue room.’
“We’re adding this scene to bring out the emotional connection between the two main characters. After everything they’ve been through, the hard times are finally over and the good times are just beginning. This would be in their so-called ‘honeymoon period,’ so it’s okay to be a little extra in this scene. Don’t be afraid of being too cheesy!”
Chen Hsin stood on his left, while Zhang Zhun stood on his right. With the heavy atmosphere between the two, Chen Cheng-Sen had obviously noticed their awkwardness. He patted each of their shoulders and said sternly, “Pay attention to the small details like everyday gestures.”
For the first time in his career, Chen Hsin wasn’t confident in his acting skills and requested the director to walk him through the scene together before the first take. Today, both actors were dressed in casual attire: shirts and pants. Chen Hsin’s eyes gleamed with anticipation as he coolly slung his tie around his neck and waited for Zhang Zhun to slowly walk toward him.
However, everything fell apart after a few short strides. Zhang Zhun’s entire body felt numb down to his fingertips as his heart clenched painfully. At that moment, he didn’t know whether he was himself or Gao Zhun; or whether the man opposite him was Chen Hsin or Fang Chi. Were they acting in the film right now, or were they in real life? Zhang Zhun took a deep breath and said, “Let’s begin.”
“Come on then,” Chen Hsin lazily nodded his head and made a gesture as if to say, ‘Please, after you.’
‘Come on then.’ Those three simple words sounded so open and inviting, and yet deep down, Zhang Zhun could feel the blatant alienation. Zhang Zhun lowered his head to gather his emotions before taking the final step to stand in front of ‘him.’ Zhang Zhun held both ends of the tie and recited his line, “This color really suits you.” He wanted to smile, but the corners of his mouth refused to lift. The silk tie kept slipping between his fingers as his hands kept shaking. He finally gave up after a few failed attempts and rested his trembling palms on Chen Hsin’s chest and said, “It’s the Windsor knot that you like so much.”
Chen Hsin saw the crumpled mess around his neck and had no choice but to fix his own tie. Zhang Zhun leaned in close and rubbed his nose lovingly against the top of Chen Hsin’s hair as required by the script. Although the gesture appeared loving on the outside, Zhang Zhun was overly cautious inside. Every move was thoroughly calculated which made it seem like he was a little hesitant. “Why do you want me to tie it? It’s not like you don’t know how…”
“But if you do it, I’ll have good luck,” Chen Hsin said as he rubbed his lips around Zhang Zhun’s cheeks.
Their proximity and touch made Zhang Zhun tremble all over as he said, “Do you want me to go and wait for you?”
Chen Hsin’s lips followed the curve of Zhang Zhun’s face, dropping little kisses all the way down to his chin. At the same time, he grabbed Zhang Zhun’s hand and placed it on his Windsor knot. “This is a university job interview. Will this color make me look too good?”
Just as Zhang Zhun was about to recite his next line, Chen Cheng-Sen let out a deep sigh, “Okay, that’s enough now.” He dropped the script he always held onto the director’s chair and said, “There’s no need for a run-through. Let’s just start straight away.” He sat angrily in front of the camera and complained, “There’s no point in a run-through anyway!”
As a lady from the make-up department wet Zhang Zhun’s hair for the next scene, the entire film crew got into position and set up two cameras to film simultaneously. Chen Hsin loosened his tie again and stood in the glow of the warm morning light by the window. “Action!” Chen Cheng-Sen shouted as Zhang Zhun walked into the frame. Zhang Zhun’s damp hair from his ‘off-screen shower’ gave off a very domesticated feeling.
“This color really suits you.” Zhang Zhun held onto the two ends of the silky fabric. In fear of messing up again, he started to very slowly twist and knot the material. His voice trembled slightly as he forced himself to relax. He took a deep breath and said, “It’s the Windsor knot that you like so much.”
Out of nowhere, Chen Hsin pulled him into a hug. The move was so abrupt and with such power that Zhang Zhun stumbled into the younger man’s arms. Chen Cheng-Sen did not call ‘cut,’ so they continued. Zhang Zhun watched in confusion as the familiar features of the other man got closer and closer before he forced out his lines, “Why do you want me to tie it? It’s not like you don’t know how…”
Chen Hsin leaned in with his lips sealed shut like he was about to kiss Zhang Zhun. However, he kept his distance as he brushed past Zhang Zhun close enough to fool the camera and said, “But if you do it, I’ll have good luck.”
Zhang Zhun shut his eyes and nervously stuttered, “Do…” At last, the tie was knotted as he trembled uncontrollably and felt his eyes go numb. “Do you want me to go and…”
It finally hit Zhang Zhun that this was really their last scene together. After today, they would go their separate ways and probably never meet again. At that moment, Zhang Zhun felt an overwhelming urge to make Chen Hsin stay, to make the other man stay in his otherwise dull and boring life. The feeling of despair hit him so hard that Zhang Zhun choked out the last few words, “Wait for you?!”
As if their minds were connected, Chen Hsin easily deduced Zhang Zhun’s feelings. Chen Hsin frantically nibbled from Zhang Zhun’s chin to his cheeks. The awkward and distant kiss earlier changed into one of intense passion and longing. It no longer seemed like a scene depicting a casual loving morning between two lovers, but rather one of desperate longing between two parting lovers. Chen Hsin panted as he hastily blurted out, “This is a university job interview. Will this color make me look too good?”
“My man…” Zhang Zhun finally opened his eyes and looked at him as a single tear rolled down his cheek, “…has to be the most handsome man of all.”
Chen Hsin finally kissed him as if he couldn’t hold back any longer. Their bodies were tightly pressed together as Zhang Zhun hugged the other man back with tears overflowing his eyes. There was no way their acting would pass for this scene — Zhang Zhun clearly knew that — but he couldn’t help himself. Chen Hsin grabbed the thick curtain by his side and yanked it over their bodies; only the deep red silhouette of their figures could be seen through the curtain. Behind the thick material, Chen Hsin pulled his lips away as he gently cradled Zhang Zhun’s damp cheeks and lightly wiped his tears away for him.
The two were tightly entwined together, their beating hearts so loud that the other could clearly feel it. Zhang Zhun rubbed his head against Chen Hsin’s curly hair out of habit as they leaned into each other and wept openly. Their time together was running out. What was meant to end would eventually come to an end anyway. After a brief look into each other’s eyes, Chen Hsin let go of the tight grip he had on the velvet drapes and leaned in to kiss Zhang Zhun one last time. The fabric fell slowly across his back, swaying a little before finally coming to a full stop by the window.
“Cut!” Chen Cheng-Sen called out, but he didn’t say anything else. He silently took off his ear piece and walked away without another word.
It was over.
Zhang Zhun and Chen Hsin didn’t move at first. Slowly, their lips and tongues started to pull apart, bit by bit, followed by their entwined bodies. The lingering heat in the air enveloped them both. They reluctantly averted their eyes, although they clearly wanted to look at each other again.
***
The farewell celebration was held at that same KTV lounge opposite the hotel. As usual, two rooms were booked, and coincidentally it was those same two rooms.
“Did you see? The two main actors cried right after the last scene wrapped today.”
“I saw it. It was so weird… They’re two grown men after all!”
“What’s so weird about it? They spent so much time together, kissing and hugging every day. Isn’t it normal that they would fall too deeply into the act? I’m sure even a dog would develop feelings after all that.”
“Those two didn’t just kiss and hug… With the heated atmosphere they created on camera during those sex scenes, there’s no way nothing is going on between them. There have been so many rumors about them lately. I’m telling you all that gossip news on the internet couldn’t have just been made up…”
Just as they were gossiping, Xiao-Deng walked in with Zhang Zhun. The crew members immediately gathered around them to offer drinks and celebratory congratulations. With well-meaning phrases such as “Zhang-laoshi, you’ve worked hard,” or “Zhang-laoshi, this film will definitely be a major hit,” Zhang Zhun should have felt very proud of himself. He should have at least cared about the outcome of this film, but at that moment, he simply didn’t care. All he could think about was separated from him by that hard and cold wall.
After receiving toasts from all the staff members, Xiao-Deng suggested for them to go over to the next room. Zhang Zhun got up, obviously a little tipsy as he said indifferently, “It’s time to say goodbye…”
Xiao-Deng glanced at Zhang Zhun with a complex look on his face but didn’t say anything. Zhang Zhun and Xiao-Deng walked into the other private room along with a handful of other well-wishers. The next room was crammed with people. Chen Cheng-Sen was obviously drunk off his head as he clung onto two young ladies from the art department and sang “The Sad Pacific1” at the top of his lungs. Chen Hsin sat at the side of the room and was having a drinking contest with Xiao-Wang — beer, wine, spirits, everything was mixed together as they chugged down one drink after the other. Chen Hsin’s face was flushed beet red from the excessive alcohol consumption.
Zhang Zhun went first to toast the director, then logically to Zhou Zheng as the assistant director. By the time he stood in front of Chen Hsin, he felt as if his heart had been torn apart and shattered into a million pieces. “These last few months…” Zhang Zhun raised his glass and painfully choked out the rest of his words, “Thanks for taking care of me.”
Chen Hsin picked up his own glass with ease and said casually, “Likewise, likewise.”
With a clink, they bumped their glasses together with trembling hands. The gesture brought a memory flooding back to Zhang Zhun’s mind. When they first started this project, they had a welcoming party in the exact same private room. Zhang Zhun and Xie Danyi stood beside each other by the door as they heard Chen Hsin proclaim loudly and drunkenly, “Yeah I want to get into Zhang Zhun’s pants. So what?”
Zhang Zhun couldn’t hold it in any longer. He threw his head back and swallowed the wine in one gulp. Xiao-Deng tried to support him but was violently pushed aside as Zhang Zhun frantically fled out of the room. The moment he stepped out of the door, he was met with the confusingly long and narrow corridor of the KTV lounge — whether it was left or right — everything looked the same to him. Zhang Zhun didn’t return to the other private room and instead went in the opposite direction. He recalled how he was once hugged from behind by a large warm chest and pushed into the men’s washroom in a daze in that same long corridor.
“Men’s washroom,” Zhang Zhun stared at the two words before slowly pushing open the door. Everything was exactly as he remembered — the sink, mirror, and the row of snow-white urinals. It was as if he could still hear the sound of Chen Hsin locking the door, or the moment he was pushed up against the sink and forced to look Chen Hsin in the eye as the other man apologized over and over again, “Sorry… I’m sorry.”
Footnotes:
- “The Sad Pacific” by Richie Jen: 《伤心太平洋》(任賢齊) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b1SRjGmgA54&ab_channel=%E6%BB%BE%E7%9F%B3%E5%94%B1%E7%89%87ROCKRECORDS