Translator: HillarybyHillary
Editor: Eric Rasputin
Quality Check: Isalee
First Published on Chaleuria
The morning sun blazed through the window as Fang Chi pulled a silk tie from Gao Zhun’s tie rack and slung it around his neck. Fang Chi hurriedly made his way over to the man standing by the window while trying to put his watch on at the same time. “Come on, I’m going to be late!” he complained.
Gao Zhun put his mug down and met him halfway. His hair was still a little damp from his morning shower, so he casually flicked it a few times before grabbing both ends of the tie separately. He cracked a bashful smile as he raised his head and looked at Fang Chi in his entirety, and complimented, “This color really suits you.” Gao Zhun’s nimble fingers skillfully twisted and turned, wrapping the silky material around itself to form an intricate knot. After putting the finishing touches, Gao Zhun deliberately tugged on the tie, pulling Fang Chi close as he whispered with a hint of provocation, “It’s the Windsor knot that you like so much.”
Fang Chi pulled him in and interlocked his arms around Gao Zhun’s thin waist. In response, Gao Zhun rubbed his nose against the top of Fang Chi’s hair, then lovingly stroked his upper arm. “Why do you want me to tie it? It’s not like you don’t know how…” he said, as a gentle yet exasperated expression appeared on Gao Zhun’s face as if to say, ‘You spoiled child.’
“But if you do it, I’ll have good luck,” replied Fang Chi as he rubbed his lips fleetingly around Gao Zhun’s cheeks.
Gao Zhun lowered his head. His fringe fell across his eyes as he stuttered nervously, “Do… do you want me to go and…” His fingertips unconsciously played with the folds on Fang Chi’s shirt before he raised his eyes and said in a coquettish manner, “…wait for you?”
Like a switch had flipped, Fang Chi desperately clutched the other man to his chest, and used his broad palms to vigorously caress Gao Zhun’s back. Their breaths grew more and more urgent as Fang Chi occasionally dipped his head to drop light kisses on Gao Zhun’s chin. In between breathless kisses, Fang Chi asked, “This is a university job interview. Will this color make me look too good?”
Reflexively, Gao Zhun shrunk away from Fang Chi’s tickly kisses. But like a proud cat satisfied with his owner’s undivided attention, Gao Zhun arrogantly grabbed Fang Chi’s chin and pried his lips apart. He looked straight into Fang Chi’s eyes and declared with a steady gaze, “My man… has to be the most handsome man of all!”
The sweet words and the spark in Gao Zhun’s eyes instantly triggered the other man into action. Fang Chi pulled him into a tight embrace before slamming their lips together in a ferocious kiss. Gao Zhun hugged back with equal urgency, openly relishing Fang Chi’s obsessive behavior before deepening the kiss.
Fang Chi grabbed the thick curtain by his side and yanked it over their bodies in a flash. Anyone who witnessed this scene would naturally assume the two were engaged in a passionate and sweet lover’s kiss. But Zhang Zhun’s guilty conscience reminded him that under the curtain — in that deep and dull red shadow — Chen Hsin was delicately wiping away the escaped tears from the corner of his eyes.
As expected, when Fang Chi grabbed the curtains, a shocking clamor broke out amongst the audience. This wasn’t just the last scene in the movie; it was also the final shot they had filmed together. Recalling the day filming ended, Zhang Zhun stared vacantly at the large screen before him. The soft glow of the theater screen reflected on Gao Zhun’s pained expression. In an instant, the layers and layers of walls he had been building up to protect his cocooned heart crumbled to pieces. Zhang Zhun stood up abruptly and rushed toward the emergency exit indicated by the glowing neon sign above his head.
The second Zhang Zhun stepped out of the dark theater and into the bright corridor, the tightness in his chest eased a little. After taking a moment to calm his breathing, he looked around and noticed the smoking area at the end of the corridor. As he thought about the fan Q&A session that was just about to begin, Zhang Zhun felt the need for a cigarette.
Zhang Zhun wiped his sweaty palms alongside the expensive material of his tailored trousers as he lit a cigarette and loosened the suffocating tie around his neck. He took a deep breath ever so slowly and let out the first puff. The white smoke spread out around him as he stared at the imposing banners displayed everywhere — ‘Deep in the Act’s World Premiere.’ Zhang Zhun felt as if he was trapped in the same dream again, being surrounded by familiar industry professionals from across the strip1, as well as the invasive paparazzi. When he first arrived at the venue, Zhang Zhun stood aimlessly amidst the lively crowd unable to believe that he was one of the main protagonists in this film. It wasn’t until someone patted him on the shoulder that he snapped out of his daze. “Senior,” Zhang Zhun called out in surprise.
Wu Rong smiled brightly at him as he pulled Gao Zhun into a hug, then led him toward a crowd of familiar faces. One by one, Zhang Zhun shook hands with them — Chen Cheng-Sen, Zhou Zheng, and Qin Xin-er. They had all more or less changed a little; Chen Cheng-Sen was visibly skinnier, Zhou Zheng’s hairline receded drastically, yet Qin Xin-er remained the same — only changing her style when she saw fit. As Zhang Zhun casually joked with them, his eyes unconsciously sought out Chen Hsin until he spotted the man dressed immaculately amongst a sea of faces.
Chen Hsin had also noticed him. At first, he stared back blankly as if he couldn’t recognize Zhang Zhun; then, a complicated expression warped his features, and his eyes nervously flickered as if he didn’t dare to recognize Zhang Zhun. It wasn’t until Wu Rong waved at him with an over-friendly grin that Chen Hsin reluctantly made his way over and extended his hand courteously, “Zhang-laoshi, it’s been too long.”
Oddly, this scene seemed exactly like his dream. Zhang Zhun frowned as he politely shook Chen Hsin’s proffered hand. Then using every ounce of energy in him, Zhang Zhun desperately tried to put on a mask of an old friend reuniting after a long time. “Long time no see,” he said.
With nothing better to say, Chen Hsin replied, “Yeah, it’s been too long.”
What followed was a long, awkward silence as Zhang Zhun withdrew his hand slowly as Chen Hsin turned his head away. Just like that, it had already been a year — one whole year since they had last seen each other face to face. Now, it was like they had become complete strangers to each other.
Zhang Zhun snapped out of his daydream and sucked in a deep breath as he allowed the nicotine to fill his lungs — only then was he able to numb his fragile nerves. Once the premiere was over today, the PR events and roadshow tour would begin. Zhang Zhun had secretly been looking forward to this. He looked forward to being Chen Hsin’s ‘lover’ again — even if it was just an act. Whether it was seven days or ten days, or even if the event was abruptly cut short, Zhang Zhun would still be able to brush shoulders with Chen Hsin again. He was content with something as simple and innocent as accidentally touching his fingers.
Positively encouraged by his train of thought, Zhang Zhun stubbed out the cigarette and fixed his tie. Just as he was about to leave the smoking area, he heard a familiar melody drift in from the corridor:
Goodbye my almost lover, goodbye my hopeless dream…
Zhang Zhun’s hands trembled violently. It had been a year already, but he still couldn’t bear to listen to this song. Every time he did, the repressed memories from that lonely afternoon in the gallery would come bubbling back to the surface. He recalled how he frantically ran down the corridor chasing after Chen Hsin’s retreating shadow and how he ended up standing awkwardly and alone in that chilling spring air.
The music got louder and louder, but there was nothing Zhang Zhun could do about it, since it was probably from one of the film’s hardcore fans. Once the film was officially out in theaters, he would probably be forced to hear snippets of this song everywhere. A depressing thought dawned upon Zhang Zhun, how would he possibly live on like this?
Suddenly, the music was cut off by the sound of a man’s voice, “Hello.” So it was a ringtone, thought Zhang Zhun before all the muscles in his body tensed up — that answering voice sounded awfully familiar. In fact, rather than saying it was familiar, it was more like that voice was carved into his bones and engraved in his heart. “Yes, I won’t be going back to Taipei anytime soon… It should be over after the promotional period…”
The louder the voice got, the more anxious Zhang Zhun grew. He was about to walk in. Zhang Zhun turned his back in a panic and tightly clenched his fists.
“I’ve said this many times before, I don’t need a girlfriend…” Chen Hsin’s words were cut short yet the person on the other end continued to chide non-stop. The two stood motionlessly in the empty space with only the subtle noises from the phone being heard.
The premiere showing was about to end any minute now, so they didn’t have much time. But the more anxious Zhang Zhun felt, the more he didn’t dare to turn around. It was like the blood in his body had started to flow backward, clashing against nature’s way and burning up his senses. Just as Zhang Zhun was afraid to turn around, Chen Hsin was also reluctant to leave; he was afraid that if he did walk out now, everything would come to a definitive end2. Chen Hsin didn’t want to make that clean break and watch the dust settle. Chen Hsin continued his conversation from before and said, “Mom, stop wasting your efforts on me. I already have someone I like.”
His mom must’ve asked “Where?” so Chen Hsin answered firmly and without any hesitation, “In my heart.”
“In my heart.” Zhang Zhun shivered at the three simple words. It turned out that Chen Hsin still held him close to his heart, so much so that he didn’t even change his ringtone. In the end, they were the same — two idiots that never moved on and never changed!
Zhang Zhun turned around. The first thing he saw wasn’t Chen Hsin’s face or the sullen and forlorn expression in his eyes, but rather the metal ring hanging from his phone. Zhang Zhun instantly recognized that small platinum band and the engraving on the inside of the ring: “Tiger in My Love.”
From the beginning, this love between them wasn’t a confused spur of a moment, nor was it two people going with the flow and falling too deep into an act.
Zhang Zhun stepped forward and was just about to say something before he was cut off by the thundering sound of applause coming from the theater. The premiere had ended; likewise, their ‘dream’ should come to an end as well. With a bitter smile, Chen Hsin turned to leave.
Footnotes:
- China, Taiwan, Hong Kong, and Macau – (两岸三地) This phrase literally translates as ‘Two Shores and Three Lands.’ It is a term used by the media to describe the collective that is ‘China, Taiwan, Hong Kong, and Macau.’ The two shores refer to China and Taiwan’s opposite facing shores, and the three lands refer to China, Taiwan, and Hong Kong. The term became popular after 1997 when Hong Kong was returned to China.
- Definitive end – (尘归尘土归土) literally translates as ‘dust returns to dust, and soil returns to soil.’ The phrase used here is quite morbid, it is usually used to describe death, but here it is used more to say ‘a definitive end.’