Translator: Helliot
Editor: P’Raikantopeni
–
Cigarette after cigarette passed through his lips on what was destined to be an eventful night.
Manyu, I’ve gotten revenge for you. Meng Fu is going to take his own life tonight. But why can’t I feel happy at all? Have I been around that hypocrite for so long that even I myself have changed?
He deserved to be dead, right?
Paying for two lives with one, he’s still getting the cheaper end of the deal.
But human lives can’t be measured in quantities. Gu Ze couldn’t help but feel depressed inside. Only the cigarettes were able to numb him.
During the latter half of the night, fine crystals of spring snow began fluttering down from the sky, like the last bustle of the remnant winter cold.
He couldn’t sit still any longer. It was like the snow had roused his supposed numb heart.
Crushing his cigarette in the ashtray, Gu Ze began pacing about the room irritably. Then, he grabbed the ashtray and smashed it violently to the ground, creating a large noise that cut through the silence.
Pressing a clenched fist against his lip, he reminded himself that Meng Fu should die. He deserved it.
“Damn it…”
But he couldn’t remain calm. He began smashing things and kicking at the furniture like a madman. The loud noise had even awoken the maids downstairs.
The maids stood downstairs, not knowing what to do. They’d never seen Gu Ze so angry before, but they could only look on timidly, not daring to approach.
…
It was agreed that Meng Yi was going to stay at Ye Yan’s home for the night, but coincidentally, Ye Yan had bought Meng Yi the chocolate the latter had during one of Gu Ze’s visits, and he liked it so much that he was insistent on bringing some home for Meng Fu.
Unable to persuade him otherwise, Ye Yan had no choice but to take Meng Yi back. It was close to 12 o’clock by the time they’d arrived. As soon as he entered through the door, Meng Yi shouted, “Meng-Meng, time to eat chocolate!”
But nobody answered.
“Keep your voice down, Xiao Yi. Meng Fu is probably asleep.”
“No way! If that Big Brother isn’t here, then Meng-Meng is definitely reading right now,” Meng Yi argued with certainty.
“Big Brother?”
“Yeah! That Big Brother who let me play with his phone. He looks a little fierce, but he’s the one who gave me the chocolate.”
Meng Yi continued calling out for Meng Fu. When he opened the door to Meng Fu’s room, he saw no traces of the room’s owner. “Where did Meng-Meng go?”
“Maybe he’s gone outside. You should get some sleep,” Ye Yan urged him, thinking that Meng Fu must have gone out with his man.
“No! I want to give Meng-Meng the chocolate before I go to sleep.” Pulling away from Ye Yan’s grip, he opened the bathroom door.
Dense crimson filled the room. The man lying next to the bathtub had long lost consciousness, and the water in the tub had gone cold. The man wearing just a thin shirt was just like a cold body devoid of life.
“Meng-Meng, why are you sleeping here? Why is the water so red?” Meng Yi gently shook Meng Fu’s body, asking.
But Ye Yan who had rushed in behind him was shocked. “Meng Fu!!!”
He immediately called an ambulance.
–
Meng Fu was wheeled into the emergency room. Meng Yi, who was standing at the back was clearly terrified. He pulled at Ye Yan’s sleeve, asking in a voice that sounded like he was about to cry, “Big Brother Ye Yan, is Meng-Meng sick?”
“Yes, he’s sick. But don’t worry, he’ll get better soon.” Ye Yan tried to comfort Meng Yi.
“But why did the water turn red?”
“Well…It’s probably just some paint. Hush now, Xiao Yi. Meng-Meng is just going through a little bit of an illness, but he’ll be just fine soon enough.” This was the only way Ye Yan could answer Meng Yi.
Several nurses were chattering outside of the ward, faces filled with pity.
“Such a handsome man…Why did he try to kill himself?”
“I don’t get it either! Even in this day and age where looks are everything, I can’t believe a handsome guy like him is still trying to take his own life. What a waste!”
“…”
After a long, long time, Meng Fu was finally wheeled out.
Still unconscious, the man lay on the clean white hospital bed, his face terribly pale like a lifeless sheet of paper. Meng Yi wanted to shake him awake, but was stopped by Ye Yan.
“Meng Fu, why?” Ye Yan whispered a question to the man he would never get an answer from. If Meng Yi hadn’t been throwing a tantrum about bringing chocolate home for Meng Fu, if he hadn’t found him in time, then this man might be well and truly dead now.
Why did you do it?
This isn’t like you. You still have Meng Yi. You still have your books. Is it because of love, or something else?
…
He couldn’t sit still. He’d already smashed everything he could in the house, but every inch of the air in this spacious house felt thin and suffocating.
Grabbing his coat, Gu Ze left the house. The snow was getting heavier and heavier. A thin layer of snow had already accumulated on the ground. The streets were so empty it felt like he was walking through a deserted city.
Driving aimlessly in his car, he had unconsciously driven around Meng Fu’s house a few times, but it might just be him getting tired.
Stopping the car, he shut his eyes and leaned back in his seat.
He stayed that way for a while before slowly opening his eyes again.
What a familiar place.
Why was he parked downstairs Meng Fu’s house?
Forget it. He might as well take a look since he’s here. How could a guy like him have the courage to die? There’s no way he could give up on living. The agreement, the suicide, all of that had to be fake.
After all, Meng Fu was a master at pretending.
He knocked hard on the door, but nobody answered.
Suddenly, he panicked. A terrible fact was burrowing into his mind.
As if heavy snow was descending upon his heart, he felt a chill.
He quickly took his phone out of his pocket, but somehow, the phone that he usually had no problems holding slipped and fell, the screen smashing to pieces.
Anxiety.
Unease.
Anger.
Fear.
Sadness.
All these emotions began to fill his heart, like a small stream of cold wind entering through a small crack in his heart, filling it up.
The knocks on the door grew stronger and sharper. Finally, he ended up kicking the door with his foot, but there was no response even after a few attempts. Instead, it was the old couple next door wearing their thick cotton jackets who scolded through a slit in the door, “What time do you think it is! People are trying to sleep here! If you keep on making a ruckus, I’ll sue you for disturbing the public!”
But the man who turned around was just like a ferocious beast. “You can sue me right now if you have the guts.”
Shuddering, the old couple silently shut the door.
Then, Gu Ze went back to kicking the door. “Meng Fu, open the damn door!”
The door finally opened, but there was nobody inside. He could smell blood all the way from the living room. Following the source of the smell, he made his way into the house.
The closer he got to the source, the more it felt as if he were stepping on razor blades.
It was a pain that was born out of fear.
Finally, he saw the blood-filled tub.
Stumbling backwards, Gu Ze’s legs went soft and he fell against the door. Grabbing at his hair, he felt at a loss. Meng Fu killed himself. He really killed himself.
Tears fell uncontrollably from his eyes.
After a long time, he had only realized that he was crying when he felt the wetness on his face.
Gritting his teeth, he reprimanded himself. Why cry? A guy like Meng Fu should’ve been dead. Manyu’s dead, your kid is dead, he should’ve been dead long ago. He had even traded for the care of his brother at the expense of his own life. He should die. He should just die.
But…where’s the body?
Meng Fu’s…body?
Gu Ze suddenly realized that Meng Fu’s corpse wasn’t here, and a trace of joy surfaced in him. He wasn’t dead! And yet, a fit of contradictory anger took over immediately after. How could he not be dead?!
He should’ve been dead long ago, isn’t that how it’s supposed to be?