Translator: Helliot
Editor: P’Raikantopeni
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With his phone broken, Gu Ze quickly rushed back to his car. The streets were completely deserted after midnight. Only a few stores were still open at this hour.
Gu Ze had no choice but to make his way back home and found a spare phone to make a call.
Meng Yi was excited to hear the phone ring, and he picked it up out of habit, thinking that it was Ye Yan calling. But on second thought, Ye Yan seemed to be sitting right beside him.
“Hello, Big Brother Ye Yan?” But realizing how strange the situation was, he changed his greeting. “Who’s this? Wrong number?” He was just about to hang up the phone when he heard a cool voice from the other end of the call.
“Where’s Meng Fu?”
“Big Brother.”
The phone was immediately snatched away by Ye Yan. “So you’re Meng Fu’s man?”
“Who is this?” Gu Ze answered back with a question. He had a vague guess in his mind. If it wasn’t that effeminate voice from last time speaking through Meng Fu’s phone, then could this be Meng Fu’s other man?
“I’m his cousin.”
“Oh.” He calmed down. It wasn’t one of Meng Fu’s amours. “Where’s Meng Fu?”
“At the hospital. He just kicked it.” Ye Yan’s voice seemed to be grieving as if Meng Fu was well and truly gone. “I have no idea why he tried to kill himself. Do you know why?”
“Is he…really dead?”
He had no idea whether more of what he felt was sadness or anger.
At this current point in time, Gu Ze’s heart suddenly felt empty. He asked through gritted teeth, “I don’t believe it! How could a guy like him be dead?!”
“A guy like him? What kind of guy are you talking about?”
“Which hospital is he in?” He had to confirm it himself. He desperately wanted to see a living Meng Fu. Almost as if in just a moment, he realized that he didn’t want Meng Fu to die. He didn’t want that at all.
“Ren’An hospital. Come over.”
“Big Brother Ye Yan, isn’t Meng-Meng sleeping? Why did you say he’s kicking?”
“Because I want to see that Big Brother you’ve been talking about.”
Curiosity drove him to want to meet Meng Fu’s man sooner, so that he can learn the truth about Meng Fu’s suicide from him.
“Big Brother is a little scary, but he’s a good guy. He lets me play games on his phone and brings me food.”
Ye Yan felt like his position was being threatened. “Are you saying that Big Brother is better than I am?”
“No! Big Brother Ye Yan is the best! Big Brother is too scary. He’s scary with Meng-Meng too.” Meng Yi nudged at his lips in thought, trying to think up a suitable word to describe him. “Like Orochimaru!”
“What?”
“Like Orochimaru in Naruto!”
Ye Yan stroked his forehead in defeat. Xiao Yi really has been brainwashed by Naruto!
…
As soon as he entered through the door, Gu Ze saw Meng Fu who was lying on the hospital bed. The heart rate monitor seemed to be operating normally. He’s not dead. Thank god he’s not dead. The tightness in his chest alleviated considerably.
“It’s you?” Ye Yan was extremely surprised. He’d seen this man before. He was the husband of the woman Meng Fu ran over seven years ago. He thought it was Meng Fu’s man, so how could it be this guy?
No wonder he called Meng Fu “that kinda guy”. He wasn’t worried about Meng Fu, he was just here to enjoy the show.
“You’re Meng Fu’s cousin?”
“That’s right, and what are you here for? Get out. You’re not welcome here.”
Ye Yan stood up and spoke in a firm tone, eyes filled with deep hostility.
“I came to see him.”
“Yeah? To see whether he’s dead or not? I have no idea why Meng Fu tried to kill himself, but I’m guessing it definitely has something to do with you.”
That’s right. He’s the one who goaded him into suicide. He’s the one who kept asking him to die. There was no denying that.
Gu Ze glanced over at Meng Fu who was lying on the bed before silently leaving the room.
He sat down on the bench in the hallway, resting his forehead on his hands. He didn’t want to go anywhere else. He just wanted to sit here.
Waiting for Meng Fu to wake up.
A doctor came by. Just as he was about to enter the ward, he turned back and looked at Gu Ze.
“Who are you to the patient?” The doctor asked.
“I’m…” he thought about it for a moment, “a friend.”
Meng Fu used to introduce him as a friend, too, and he looked ashamed to call him that. But now, other than a friend, there wasn’t a single other relationship he could label them with that didn’t sound awkward.
An enemy? A fuck buddy? It’s all the same.
“A friend? I see,” the doctor answered. “I’m Dr. Fang. I’m from Jiujun Hospital a few blocks away from here. I was here for a discussion when I heard about the suicide. Turns out he was a former patient of mine.”
“Was he…ill?” Why did he have to visit a hospital so far away?
“Well…” Dr. Fang seemed troubled. “Patient privacy. I’m afraid I can’t disclose it. Though, I am a little curious about his boyfriend…”
“Yes, I’m his boyfriend!” He answered without hesitation. He was just anxious to know what sort of illness Meng Fu had.
After answering Dr. Fang, even he himself was taken by surprise. What are you doing, Gu Ze?
Boyfriend? Hah!
“In that case, I can tell you. I always thought you were some irresponsible scumbag, but seeing how nervous you look now, you don’t seem like the type. Though, it has been a few months since I’ve seen him, which means the two of you have been happy, I assume?”
“What do you mean by that?”
“I’m guessing he never told you. Just a bit of inexperience, really.” Dr. Fang paused for two seconds after finishing his sentence and shot a meaningful glance at Gu Ze’s slightly embarrassed face. “It’s just a small injury, nothing unusual. Just remember to take extra care.”
Gu Ze could just about confirm why Meng Fu visited the hospital. He was gone for more than a month before seeing Meng Fu again, but he never knew that Meng Fu’s injuries were bad enough that it warranted a visit to the hospital.
“Doctor, can you please take me in with you to see him?” When he saw the doctor’s puzzled expression, he explained, “I’m… in a bit of an argument with his cousin. He won’t let me see him.”
In fact, he could very well have forced his way in. He was just worried about disturbing the unconscious man inside.
He was actually…worried about him?
This emotion had hit him so suddenly.
“Very well.”
Dr. Fang entered the room calmly and expressed his intention to check on Meng Fu’s condition, asking both Ye Yan and Meng Yi to leave the room. but Ye Yan questioned why Gu Ze was being brought inside.
Dr. Fang lied without even batting an eye. “You’ve been in here for a while, and I’m sure you need your rest, too. Your little brother there looks like he’s about to fall asleep.” He pointed to Meng Yi who was yawning by the bedside. “This man here has been sitting at the door for a while now and he’s just here to see the patient. I’m still a doctor, after all. I wouldn’t mean harm to my patient now, would I?”
Ye Yan thought that the doctor was going to use Gu Ze as a trigger to wake Meng Fu up through his survival instincts. The doctor is always right, after all. So, he carried Meng Yi out of the ward and left them be.
Dr. Fang looked at Meng Fu for a moment. Then, he silently produced his phone from his pocket and took a picture of Meng Fu.
“What are you doing?” Gu Ze tried to snatch Dr. Fang’s phone away, but Dr. Fang reacted just in time.
“Oh, nothing.” He laughed awkwardly. “A male friend of mine didn’t believe me when I told him I saw an exceptionally good-looking man, and he insisted I take a picture. Of course, I wouldn’t dare take a picture of him while he’s awake, right?”
With that being said, good-looking people truly were a special breed of their own. Even half-dead and connected to a bunch of tubes, this man was still breathtaking.
Gu Ze frowned. “I thought you were actually worried about your patient, but you’re just here to take a picture of him? Is that friend of yours gay?”
“Yes, he is indeed, and he’s in love with his best friend. But that best friend is a completely straight man, and a gang leader to boot. He currently hates him with a burning passion. Don’t worry, my friend has no interest in Meng Fu whatsoever. He just doesn’t believe me. I’m just trying to prove a point here. I truly am concerned about him, you know? Otherwise, why would I even be talking to you?” Dr. Fang vigilantly hid his phone in his back pocket. When Gu Ze approached him, he covered his phone with his hands. “Hey! Let’s have a talk. Do you know how much Meng Fu has done for your sake?”
“What?” Gu Ze stopped in his tracks.
“First, promise me you won’t take my phone.” When he saw Gu Ze nod, he continued, “It might be poor skill in bed, but…” When he saw the frown building up on Gu Ze’s face, he blurted, “Wait! Let me finish. Meng Fu actually asked me how he could make it not hurt! I almost laughed when I heard that, but I felt bad for him. It should’ve been a pleasurable experience.”
Looking at the man who seemed to be deep asleep, he remembered the times he’d ask whether it hurt or not, and the man would always respond “it hurts” in that choked back voice.
Didn’t he improve his skills? Why did he still say it was painful?
“The pain doesn’t go away just because he wants it to, you know? It depends on the partner, too.” Dr. Fang noticed Gu Ze’s reaction. Since he was staring at Meng Fu, Dr. Fang took advantage of the moment to slip out of the room successfully.
“Did Brother Qi receive my picture? Handsome, right? I told you I wasn’t lying!” Dr. Fang began sending out the picture and texting his friend as soon as he was out of the door.
“He’s good-looking and all, but not really my taste. Brother Di is still more handsome.”
Dr. Fang was speechless. Sure enough, love makes a man blind. Not to mention being straight, with that scar on Di Jun’s face and his enthusiasm for Naruto, there wasn’t a single part of him he could call attractive or good-looking.
Just two steps away from the bed, Gu Ze stood there for a long, long time, not knowing whether he should move closer or leave.
Wasn’t he begging to be in here?
And now that he was in, he had no idea what to do.
Scathing words like “Meng Fu, you’ve finally killed yourself”, “Meng Fu, what a shame. You didn’t manage to die” had no way of making it past his lips.
Trying to say something nice was even harder.
He hated him all this time, he was constantly provoking him. He hated him for killing He Manyu and his child, hated it when he tried to plead for the He couple’s sake, hated him for his illicit relations with all those men, hated the way he bore with everything silently. He wished he could just be dead.
But when he really did try to take his life…
His hate suddenly fizzled out.
He wanted to laugh. He wanted to tell himself that Meng Fu deserved it.
Then, he forced out a stiff smile.
A smile that was mixed with bitterness, sadness, contradiction, and anxiety.
“Meng Fu, you’re really making this hard for me. I don’t even know what to think anymore.” He stepped up to the bed and sat down at the edge of it. He reached out to touch Meng Fu’s hand, but he suddenly froze in place after outstretching his arm.
“Meng Fu…I should’ve been happy,” he said.
The only thing remaining was a long gaze.
The hand hooked up to the infusion was less than an inch away from his fingers, just out of touch.
But his heart felt like it was being weighed down like a bucket of water, and he was carrying it over a steep slope. He wanted to hold all the droplets in, but his feet grew unsteady. It started to spill.
Gu Ze was just about to get up and leave when he accidentally touched Meng Fu’s finger.
Then, all of a sudden, he leaned over. He couldn’t stop himself from pressing his lips onto Meng Fu’s forehead.
Standing up, he clenched his hands. His expression was encased in ice, but it seemed to contain something else. An indiscernible smile set into the corners of his lips. “Ridiculous…This is ridiculous.”