Translator: Helliot
Editor: P’Raikantopeni
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The smoke of his cigarette rose as slowly as his feelings of loneliness.
Hooking him in, disturbing him.
Before the song of hatred could end, the strings snapped, cutting his finger, causing deep crimson blood to flow down.
The line that separated love and hate had already been blurred.
In the cold night, Secretary Wang had entered the office building to retrieve some documents he had forgotten about, only to find that the lights of Gu Ze’s office were still on. Thinking that a thief had broken in, he opened the door abruptly.
He was surprised. “Chief Gu, why are you still here?”
Secretary Wang waved his hand in front of him and coughed because Gu Ze’s office was filled with the smell of cigarettes.
Gu Ze looked up, and the dim light illuminated his face, projecting a cold and desolate silhouette. He flicked the ashes off his cigarette into the ashtray while saying, “Secretary Wang, how are the investigations going?”
“No results yet.” Secretary Wang hung his head.
“Keep investigating. I want answers as soon as possible.”
“Yes.”
He was just about to leave, but after some thought, Secretary Wang could not endure the urge to ask, “Chief Gu, it’s getting late. Will you not return home?”
“He’s there. I don’t want to.”
He, obviously, referred to Meng Fu. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to go home, he just found it increasingly difficult to face Meng Fu.
Terrible words would sometimes come out of his mouth without thinking. Hurting him had already become a habit. With that, any care he showed him was just ironic hypocrisy.
But he missed him so much that he could go crazy. It was like he had grown dependent on this man. He was addicted to his body, his smell, and his soft voice as he called him “Mr. Gu”.
“Chief Gu. Actually…” When the words came to his mouth, he suddenly hesitated.
“Actually what?”
“Actually, Miss Manyu…”
“Enough!!!” Rage filled his eyes, He stubbed out his half-burned cigarette on the ashtray. A small glowing ember remained on the crushed cigarette, reluctant to go out. A wisp of smoke rose from it.
Don’t talk about her.
Picking up his lighter, he lit another cigarette, holding it between his fingers but not taking a drag. The cigarette burned on, and its ashes fell onto the table, covering it in soot.
His office was completely silent. At this point, Secretary Wang had already excused himself.
Gu Ze left his cigarette in the ashtray and left it to burn out by itself. He had a realization. He was Gu Ze, so why should he care about all the nitty-gritty details?
If he liked him, then so be it. He just had to follow his heart.
Heh.
It had been a whole week since he last returned home. When he walked through the front door, Gu Ze even felt a sense of joy.
He headed straight for Meng Fu’s door, but when he opened it, the room was empty. His heart dropped instantly. Like a broken dam, tides crashed through his chest. He lifted the blankets anxiously and searched every corner, but there was no sight of him.
Gloom covered his cold face. Gu Ze gritted his teeth. “Meng Fu…”
Meng Fu, how dare you leave? How dare you take advantage of my absence to escape? Didn’t you want to atone for your sins? Weren’t you willing to do everything I told you to do? I didn’t tell you to leave, so how dare you leave?
He walked out of the room. “Meng Fu, Meng Fu…”
He rushed down the stairs and summoned a servant. With stern eyes, he questioned her. “Where is Meng Fu? Didn’t I say that he wasn’t allowed to leave?!”
The maid trembled in fright. “Mr. Gu, Mr. Meng Fu did not leave the house. We’ve been watching him closely.”
Meng Yi, who was woken up by the noise, stood at the railing upstairs in his pajamas, rubbing his eyes. “Big Brother, you’re home?”
His heart calmed down at once. Gu Ze turned to the maid. “You’re excused.”
If Meng Yi was here, then Meng Fu wouldn’t leave.
He went upstairs and stopped Meng Yi, who was just about to head back into his room, asking him, “Where’s Meng-Meng? Do you know where he is?” His heart was beating hard as if it were going to jump out of his chest.
Sleepy-eyed, Meng Yi responded, “Meng-Meng is reading. I’m going to sleep.”
The person who was immersed in a book was completely oblivious to the events that transpired outside. Meng Fu turned the pages with his finger and read through the contents with gusto. At first, he was still a little apprehensive when he had just entered Gu Ze’s study.
His mind had slowly turned blank after sitting on that sofa for five days. Once, when he went up the stairs, he happened to see the maid cleaning the study. The door was left ajar, allowing him to peek through.
The room was filled with books, and the allure of it was intoxicating.
He was hesitant, but his feet were being drawn to the room. When he finally stood next to the maid who was cleaning inside, he was surprised to discover that the books inside were far greater than what he glimpsed from the outside.
He was envious, envious that Gu Ze possessed so many books.
“Mr. Meng Fu.” The maid, Aunt Zhang, greeted him respectfully.
“I…” He hesitated for a moment, but he still pushed forth. “Can I read these books?”
“I’m only a servant, Mr. Meng Fu. I’m not authorized to make that decision. Mr. Gu is the only one who can grant these permissions.”
“Oh… Forget it, then.” He dropped his somber gaze and slowly walked out of the room.
Meng Fu… how could you touch Mr. Gu’s books as you please? What gives you the right to look at them? Just forget it.
“Mr. Meng Fu, you can come in when Mr. Gu is away if you please. I won’t tell him.” Overcome by compassion, Aunt Zhang stopped Meng Fu.
Stopping, he turned around and smiled at Aunt Zhang. “Thank you.”
Currently, he was holding a copy of Professor Zhang Mingkai’s Penal Law Class. Law was such a deep subject, and it was only now that he realized that he had only barely scratched the surface with the books he read in prison.
If there was anything he did not understand, he would jot it down in his notebook. While writing, he actually began to feel glad that it was his left hand that was injured.
The door suddenly opened.
Meng Fu raised his head in a panic. His pen froze in mid-air, unable to write down another word.
He could sense that Gu Ze was staring at him. To Meng Fu, that gaze was like a man who had caught a criminal in the act.
Standing up, he capped the pen and returned it to the holder before apologizing to Gu Ze. “I’m sorry, Mr. Gu. I invaded your study and touched your things without permission. I’m very sorry.”
He turned away slightly, and his toes curled up.
He awaited his punishment.
Gu Ze approached him and saw Meng Fu close his notebook and cover the book with his hand, seemingly in an attempt to cover up the title. He was just about to grab his hand and see what sort of book he was hiding when he caught himself. He retracted his hand. “You don’t need to apologize for that.”
Meng Fu was surprised that Gu Ze would say that, but he still did not dare to meet his eyes. He turned his eyes to stare at the inkstone. He used to stare at his cup, but with that gone, with the image of the water rippling across the surface gone, his eyes casually looked toward the inkstone on the desk instead.
“I…”
He was at a loss for words. If this man said not to apologize, then what else could he say? His feet were frozen in place, and just like in the past, he stood until his legs began to grow numb.
He grasped at the edge of the table with his fingers, inexplicable unease flowing through all of his limbs.
Even he himself had no idea what else there was for him to worry about. He had already died once, what was there to be afraid of now?
A pair of feet gradually approached him before stopping about five centimeters from his feet. His toes began curling up again out of habit.
“Meng Fu.”
“Yes…” he mustered a soft reply.
“Raise your head,” Gu Ze commanded, but his voice was not as cold and rigid as in the past.
He slowly lifted his head, revealing his delicate chin. But his eyes were still stubbornly downcast, staring at the inkstone on the table.
“Look at me.”
Look at him? What for? He did not understand. But he still obeyed his word and turned his eyes up to look at Gu Ze’s aloof face.
But as if he had received a shock, he quickly averted his gaze.
No… He should be obedient to him. He owed Gu Ze, so he should listen to what he says.
Slowly, he raised his head again to look at Gu Ze who towered above him.