Translator: Helliot
Editor: P’Raikantopeni
–
He suddenly turned around to face him and repeated the words to him one by one. “It’s your fault, Meng Fu. It’s all your fault.”
“I’m sorry.”
He lowered his gaze. There were a thousand words he could have said, but they merged into just two words, “I’m sorry”. The words seemed to come out as light as a feather, yet at the same time, they were so heavy.
He extended his hand, but it paused in mid-air for two seconds before he finally touched Meng Fu’s face. The cold frost that lay dormant deep beneath his pupils seemed to melt gradually.
“Meng Fu, what space does Xie Zhenzhen occupy inside your heart?”
Feathered eyelashes trembled slightly. Meng Fu could feel the warmth in his hands, but there seemed to be a layer of falsehood in that warmth. He answered, “The two of us broke up long ago. We have nothing to do with each other.”
So, Mr. Gu, there’s no need for you to find any excuses to hurt Xie Zhenzhen.
“You’ve broken up, but she remains in your heart, does she not? What space does she occupy?”
“No, she does not occupy any space inside of me.”
“Do you love her? Do you still love her?” His voice seemed anxious.
Inside, he was confused. What are you doing, Gu Ze, are you jealous of her? What are you seeking to prove by asking him these questions? What answer are you expecting to hear?
“…No. I don’t love her, Mr. Gu. Xie Zhenzhen has nothing to do with me.” After a pause, he added, “This matter has nothing to do with Xie Zhenzhen. I alone am responsible.”
His hand suddenly slid down to Meng Fu’s thin neck, and he strangled him. Rising anger filled his eyes. “You’re protecting her, Meng Fu. You love her, you love her!” he spat through gritted teeth.
He never knew he could experience such jealousy.
Without resisting as he did in the past, he allowed this man to strangle him as he pleased. His eyes remained lowered as he answered him with a calm voice. “No, I don’t love her.”
Yes, it was true that he loved her no longer. Their love was torn apart the same way that love letter was shredded to pieces.
As Gu Ze’s body shook, the laptop, which had been on his lap, fell to the floor, and the loud clatter brought the man back to his senses.
It was not until he came back to himself that he finally realized how tightly his hands wrung Meng Fu’s neck.
He quickly released him.
Coughing, Meng Fu touched his neck and tried his best to keep his voice down.
“Meng Fu…” There was an apologetic look in Gu Ze’s eyes.
However, Meng Fu was still explaining himself insistently. “I don’t love her, Mr. Gu. Neither Xie Zhenzhen nor I have anything to do with each other. It’s the truth.”
Cold frost emerged in Gu Ze’s heart. “You’re not allowed to fall in love with anyone, Meng Fu.” I know you won’t fall in love with me, so I would rather you love nobody, and that another Xie Zhenzhen never appears in your life.
“Yes,” he obeyed.
He leaned down to pick up the laptop from the ground, but before he could reach it, Gu Ze pulled him back. “You don’t have to do that.”
“Yes.” He retracted his hand and watched as Gu Ze picked the laptop up himself and placed it on the coffee table. Then, the man turned around and went upstairs.
Meng Fu sat somewhat stiffly on the sofa. With a lost look on his face, his eyes looked to the cup of water, to the laptop, then at the wintersweet blossoms outside of the window.
The pale yellow flowers go into bloom while enduring the biting cold of winter, and the branches extend themselves to the window, so close that he could almost smell them.
He sat there without moving, allowing himself to sit like a dead tree.
Hurried footsteps entered the study. There were rows and rows of books, filling the study with the smell of paper. He had seen the books that Meng Fu were looking at that day. No matter how he tried to hide them, he saw them. All of the books in this room belonged to him, and he knew them well.
Straight away, he grabbed Penal Law Class from the bookshelf, and he picked out several other books related to law. Holding them in his arms, he rushed downstairs.
Gu Ze brushed his laptop aside and placed the books down on the coffee table.
“You can read these books as you wish. You can freely read any of the books in the study if you want to.”
“Mr. Gu…?” Meng Fu raised his head and looked at him in confusion.
Gu Ze’s actions ricocheted back and forth like a jagged line. He had no idea what this man was trying to do, but these jagged lines all seemed to be going in the same direction.
However, which direction was that? Even as he looked ahead, it seemed like all he could see before him was darkness, pure and unbounded darkness.
“A reward, for saying that you’re not in love with Xie Zhenzhen,” Gu Ze responded with an indifferent expression.
Looking at the books on the table, he pressed his hand on them. A reward? What a strange reward, but he still thanked him. “Thank you.”
Gu Ze stood next to him without saying another word. He could not think of a reason for him to give him permission to look at his books, but he knew that Meng Fu had not been touching them since that time in the study.
So, he used Xie Zhenzhen as a random excuse. He wanted to laugh. It seems like he should be thanking her now for once.
Meng Fu stood up, hoping to carry the books back to his room. However, Gu Ze had grabbed the books before he could even touch them. Only then did Gu Ze seemingly realize that he might have been too impulsive. The books were fine in the study. There was simply no need for him to bring them down to the living room.
Looking down at Meng Fu’s wrist, still wrapped in a thick layer of gauze, he realized. How was he going to be moving such heavy books with his injury?
“Come to the study with me,” he said to Meng Fu with the books in his arms.
Once the door was open, a familiar scene seemed to float into his mind. Leaning against the bookshelves, Gu Ze kissed him. It was a sudden kiss, backed with no emotion, or perhaps, it was a kiss deliberately meant to repulse him.
Gu Ze placed the book that Meng Fu was reading, Penal Law Class, on the desk. Then, he put the rest of the books back in their place one by one. Pointing to one of the rows, he said, “These are all the books on law.” Then, he pointed to the others. “These are on economics, these are literature, and the rest are uncategorized. You may read them at your own leisure.”
Meng Fu nodded in response, a strange feeling rising up within him.
Fidgeting subconsciously, he tapped a finger on the corner of the desk. Why was Gu Ze doing this? He could not figure out what Gu Ze was trying to do by making these seemingly random words and actions.
“Meng Fu.”
“Yes.”
“Meng Fu.”
“Yes.”
What was the point of calling out his name? He stared at his finger still pressing against the corner of the table, not looking up.
Without looking up, he naturally missed the struggle, the contradiction, worry, love, and even a faint sense of hatred.
“Meng Fu.”
“Yes.”
The way the silence dragged on felt infinitely long, but even more than that was the pain growing and spreading out inside of his veins, like an open wound, spilling out onto a piece of cotton, clogging it up, and turning into a blood clot. It was full of pain. Meng Fu… If only I could simply hate you.
“I’m going out on a business trip tomorrow.”
“Yes.”
“Stay here and don’t go anywhere.”
“Yes.”
Was he specifically warning him not to leave? In fact, there was nowhere that he could go even if he left. The only place left for him to go was that small apartment he rented, and it had been a long time since he last visited that place. He was sure that it was probably covered in dust by now. He even had to borrow money from Gu Ze in order to afford the rent, and the amount of money he handed over to Gu Ze when he decided to end his own life was not much, either. He had no idea whether it was even enough for half a year of rent.
As that thought came in, his mind seemed to come alive. Not only the rent, but also the hospital bill and the fees, who paid for all of those? Was it Ye Yan? Or was it Gu Ze?
While staying at Gu Ze’s house, there was the food, accommodation fees… and the flowers ruined by Xiao Yi…
When he looked up, Gu Ze had already reached the door. “Mr. Gu.”
Gu Ze stopped.
“When can I go? I’ll work, I’ll pay you back all I owe you.” Maybe Gu Ze considered the fact that he could not even find work to begin with, given the state of his wrist, or perhaps, that pittance meant nothing to Gu Ze to begin with.
“Pay me back?”
“Yes.”
He wanted to tell him that it was unnecessary, but the words seemed to transform into something else as they reached his lips. “Are you thinking that you’ll finally have a reason to return to that dingy house of yours once you pay the money back?”
–
Secretary Wang took Meng Yi to an amusement park and bought him many delicious foods. Since he was still a child at heart, Meng Yi had an exceptional amount of fun.
Being infected by his cheerfulness, Secretary Wang loosened up as well.
Soon, it was dusk.
However, Meng Yi was still reluctant to go. Secretary Wang tried to mimic how Meng Fu talked to him. “Be good, Xiao Yi. Big Brother Wang will take you out to play again next time.”
He tried to pull Meng Yi into the car.
However, Meng Yi’s finger refused to let go of the car door. “I’m not going back, I don’t wanna go to Big Brother’s house!”
There was no helping it. Secretary Wang had no choice but to pull Meng Yi with all his strength.
However, Meng Yi began to wail, which shocked Secretary Wang. He had no idea what to do.
While wiping his tears away with his hands, Meng Yi’s shoulders were constantly shaking as he cried. He sobbed, “Big Brother Wang, can you take me to see Big Brother Ye Yan? I just want to see him and talk to him, just a little bit!”
“No, it’s too late. Maybe next time.”
“Please! I just want to see Big Brother Ye Yan. I tried to call him many times, but he never picks up. What if Big Brother Ye Yan is gone forever?” Meng Yi tugged at Secretary Wang’s sleeves, begging him.
He was a handsome young man to begin with, and seeing him cry was enough to melt hearts. Secretary Wang gritted his teeth. “I’ll take you to see him, but as soon as you’re done, you have to follow me home. Is that clear?”
“Yeah!” Meng Yi’s tears turned into a beaming smile.
His mood had changed so quickly that Secretary Wang shook his head. This truly was a young child, just like those crying children with big grins on their faces when their parents presented them with a lollipop.
After getting in the car, Secretary Wang asked, “Xiao Yi, do you know his address?”
“No. 507, Building 4, Bi Gui Yuan.”
He memorized Ye Yan’s address firmly in his mind as if it were engraved into it. Even though he was a fool, he still remembered the path to Ye Yan’s house clear as day after going there once.