Translator: Helliot
Editor: P’Raikantopeni
–
The Gu residence had a newspaper subscription, so the daily newspaper would be delivered to their mailbox each and every day. Aunt Zhang emptied the mailbox as usual and placed the day’s newspaper on the dining table. Usually, Gu Ze would flip through them after breakfast, making a quick skim of the financial section.
That was probably all that these papers were worth.
Meng Fu headed down to refill his cup when he chanced upon Aunt Zhang who had just returned from bringing in the day’s newspaper. He put his glass down and stopped her. “Aunt Zhang.”
“Mr. Meng.”
“Can I see the papers?”
Aunt Zhang handed the newspapers to Meng Fu. “Mr. Gu only ordered us not to let you out, so these newspapers are free for you to peruse, Mr. Meng.”
“Thank you.”
After getting the papers from Aunt Zhang, he took a seat on the sofa. Gu Ze had been gone for a week, and Meng Yi had also been staying at Ye Yan’s house all this while. Other than the sounds of the maids cleaning around the house, the place was too silent for comfort.
Meng Fu was not a fan of watching TV. He spent most of his time cooped up in the study reading and making notes. Otherwise, he just sat on the sofa in the living room, listening to the cold wind howling outside the window, and watching as more and more of the wintersweets bloomed outside, exuding their pale yellow vitality.
During these times, the newspapers were probably the only way he could find out about the outside world as he lived a life almost set in time.
He flipped through the pages, taking in much of the legal cases detailed on the pages, then at the financial news that he knew little about. As he continued to flip through the pages, one section of the entertainment news section caught his eye.
Suicidal Pretty Boy Still Man Hungry.
What the boy said was recorded in the newspapers, word by word without anything omitted. Some comments from the reporter were also included, but none of them were nice words. You can’t judge a book by its cover. Meng Fu’s carefree sex life knows no bounds. Hospitalized after an exceptionally rough session with another man.
It felt like a dam had broken in his mind, filling up the space, battering the rocks and stones while waves crashed. While he was isolated in Gu Ze’s home, everyone else was judging him on the outside.
The barest hint of a curve appeared on his lips as he pressed a finger to the photo of the boy, lamenting, “That’s not me…That isn’t me.”
No further words had to be said, or rather, who would even care about such fleeting words, weighing as little as a thin sheet of paper?
He silently handed the papers back to Aunt Zhang.
Without a word, he went up the stairs, flipped open a law book, and began writing notes without skipping a beat. Despite the sharp pain throbbing in his injured wrist, he seemed to not care about anything.
–
It was late by the time Gu Ze returned. Ten minutes past midnight, the sky was as dark as black ink, as if drenched in the dark smelly waste of a gutter.
There was a light click of a door opening, then cautiously quiet footsteps. Meng Fu’s eyes were open. “Mr. Gu.”
“Still awake?”
His feet stopped.
“Yes.”
“Why aren’t you asleep?”
“Can’t sleep.”
His insomnia was getting worse by the day. In the past, he had been so exhausted from work that he could even fall asleep while enduring what Gu Ze would do to him in bed. Yet, now that those days were over, he could no longer sleep.
Without saying anything, Gu Ze turned around and left the room. A while later, he entered the room again, turning on the lights with a glass of warm water, coming closer. “Take this.”
In the palm of his hand was a pill.
Meng Fu watched him in confusion, not moving.
“It’s not poison,” Gu Ze reassured him.
Meng Fu let out a soft laugh. “I know it’s not poison. There’s no reason for you to do that after all, Mr. Gu.” If he had wanted to poison him, then he would not have repeated to him, “don’t die,” over and over again. He was just confused about his actions, was all.
Swallowing the sleeping pill with the help of the warm water provided, he thanked him. “Thank you.”
It did not take long for the pill to work. Meng Fu fell into a deep sleep, and the one who left the room turned back again. Gu Ze sat on the edge of the bed next to him and muttered, “Tell me, Meng Fu. How many men have you been with? When you were in prison, did you ever…”
Heavy words melted into the heavy silence of the night.
After a long time, Gu Ze pulled up his blanket and left quietly.
–
The next morning, Meng Fu and Gu Ze sat at the dining table for breakfast, a first since Meng Fu entered this home. First of all, Gu Ze was rarely at home. Moreover, the maids would usually deliver the food to his room.
He ate his food slowly. No matter what, he could not feel at ease with Gu Ze sitting next to him. He would rather stand in the distance by himself as if receiving some sort of punishment.
As usual, the maids placed the day’s newspapers on the table, bowed, and excused themselves.
However, the light stack of papers weighed down Meng Fu’s heart like a giant boulder. He had barely taken two bites before feeling full.
When he heard the sound of Meng Fu putting his cutlery down, Gu Ze glanced over at him. “You’re done?”
“Yes.”
“Meng Yi told me you ate well. How have you eaten so little?” He continued flipping through the newspapers as if he were just making a casual remark.
“I ate a lot last night.”
Flipping another page over, Gu Ze asked Aunt Zhang, who was standing over by the side, “Aunt Zhang, did he eat a lot last night?”
“Half a bowl of rice and some side dishes,” Aunt Zhang replied.
Meng Fu said nothing and kept his head down. Why does it matter how much he eats?
Gu Ze’s hand suddenly stopped. A trace of anger emerged on his face for just a moment before disappearing soon after. He ordered in a calm voice, “Finish your egg and your bread. Drink your milk, too.”
He quickly flipped over to the next page, appearing casual.
“Yes.”
Silently, Meng Fu forced down the rest of his bread and poached egg into his stomach. No matter what Mr. Gu asked of him, he just had to do it. Was that not the only thing he could do now to atone for his sins?
Since he was still alive, then he had to continue working to pay his dues for the two lives lost.
Gu Ze waited until he finished eating before putting down the newspapers and leaving for the office. This time, he spent ten minutes more than usual looking at the news.
Ten minutes was just enough time for Meng Fu to finish his breakfast.
While Aunt Zhang was clearing the table, Meng Fu’s eyes were on the paper. In his mind, he thought, that isn’t me.
“Mr. Meng, will you not be looking at the newspapers today?”
“Oh, no… I won’t be looking at them.”
Meng Fu looked away while Aunt Zhang took the papers away.
He wasn’t going to look at them anymore. There was no saying what they would say next about him if he decided to look at them again. He might as well just stay oblivious to it.
–
After work that day, Gu Ze stayed in his office as usual, smoking for a long time.
Secretary Wang put the document down and looked at the smoke filling the air in the room. “Chief Gu, smoking so much is bad for your health.”
Ignoring him, Gu Ze flicked the ash on his cigarette off onto the ashtray. “Work hours are over, Secretary Wang. You can go home now.”
“…Go home, Chief Gu.”
If he decided to keep Meng Fu in his own house, then why avoid something as normal as going home? Meng Fu… He must have fallen in love.
What a nonsensical thing love was. Meng Fu… was a man, and his enemy.