Translator: Helliot
Editor: P’Raikantopeni
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Chapter 57, Dead End
There was no way that Gu Ze would hear Meng Fu’s weak pleas for mercy. The little strength he had to push him back was simply nothing for a strong and healthy man like Gu Ze.
It felt like he was exploring a new world.
He never knew that kissing Meng Fu could feel so wonderful.
The leaves continued to wither, like a fate no less than whimsical.
“Meng Fu.”
As he called out his name, as the movements of his lower body grew more intense, a trace of disappointment came and went on his face. Meng Fu only endured it with a frown, swallowing all his pain and suffering into his stomach.
He refused to even look at him.
Countless emotions were entwined in Gu Ze’s heart. Irritation, disappointment, repression, even a trace of hatred… Meng Fu, why did it have to be you?
He pulled Meng Fu’s face over to face him. “Look at me, Meng Fu.”
Meng Fu’s lowered gaze slowly moved upward until he met Gu Ze’s eyes, but that gaze was empty, seemingly looking at him, yet not at the same time. He thought to himself, Gu Ze, are you trying to make me face my sorrow reflected in your eyes?
He felt no pleasure, only pain and shame.
“Meng Fu, does it hurt?”
“It hurts.”
“What else do you feel besides the pain?”
Meng Fu shook his head.
He knew very well that he was tormenting Meng Fu, but at the same time, he himself was being tormented.
They were at a dead end where he could see nothing else in him.
Since they could never become lovers, then they can only maintain their relationship through hatred.
…
Once it finally ended, Meng Fu collapsed onto the bed, an empty look clouding his eyes. Gu Ze should have just pulled up his pants and left without even turning back, but this man stayed behind, embracing him from behind with his bare body.
“Meng Fu… So that’s the expression you make?”
An expression of such pain, such weariness.
“Where is the end to this, Mr. Gu?”
“… There is no end.” Gu Ze’s heart seemed to be submerged in ice, frozen through and through. “There is no ending to hatred, Meng Fu.”
Just like a death sentence.
He thought that he had atoned for his sins, he thought that he would one day obtain forgiveness… He thought that as long as he was patient and obedient enough, Gu Ze would forgive him…
But it turns out that there was no ending to begin with.
“Then what if I die? If I die, will I reach the end?”
His arms tightened around Meng Fu. “Don’t die. Didn’t you say that you couldn’t bring yourself to die? Then don’t die.” Don’t die, Meng Fu. I can’t bring myself to see you die either.
“What else can I do to atone for my sins?”
Mr. Gu, how much longer will this physical punishment last? How long do I have to keep enduring this slow torture? Will I only be able to live like this for the rest of my life, just like a walking corpse?
Countless flakes of snow swept through the sky in the embrace of the cold winds, and the withered greenery on the ground had already been covered in snow by the morning.
“Do you want to atone for your sins? Then stay with me, Meng Fu. This is the only way you can atone.”
Meng Fu scoffed, his chilling laugh as cold as the moon in the sky. “Fine.”
So this is how he must atone? This…? An end to an end… does not exist.
Those two lives flow like a river in his heart, spanning thousands of miles, so deep that no amount of sand or stone would be able to fill it up.
Being shut up in Gu Ze’s home was like being locked up in another cage. Previously, it might only have been seven years, but now, it will be much longer than that. Much longer…
Either way, he had already gotten used to such loneliness, had he not? However, what about his little brother, Xiao Yi? What about him…
Gu Ze stroked Meng Fu’s cheek with his hand. “Don’t smile like that, Meng Fu.”
“Okay.”
So he stopped. Like a silent spirit, he watched the inky darkness outside without a word.
–
Meng Yi liked greeting with kisses. While Ye Yan was busy working, he would run over to him and give him a kiss on the lips.
It shocked Ye Yan. “Xiao Yi!”
Meng Yi blinked his eyes in confusion. “Big Brother Ye Yan, are you angry?”
“Don’t do that again, Xiao Yi.”
“I was just saying hello to Big Brother Ye Yan.” He smiled sweetly.
Ye Yan felt helpless, not knowing how he should explain it to him. After thinking for a long time, he told Meng Yi, “This is a cultural tradition for foreigners. Since we are currently in this country, we can’t greet each other like that.”
“Then why did Big Brother kiss Meng-Meng? And why did that Big Brother from before kiss you like this? Why do you greet each other like this?”
“That…” He could not answer. He did not think that he would be stumped by someone who was effectively just a child. He thought about the question again for a long time before explaining, “It was just an accident, but next time… Next time won’t be an accident anymore. Now, be a good boy and listen to your Brother Ye Yan. Brother Ye Yan will take you out to eat ice cream after work, all right?”
“Ice cream?” Meng Yi’s eyes lit up. “Yeah!”
Then, Meng Yi ran off to play by himself again. However, Ye Yan was frowning deeply, troubled over something else. Meng Yu was still busy taking care of Ye Ting’s wedding, so she simply could not scrape together any money. He himself used to squander a lot of money, so he had not saved up a lot. What he could give the two brothers was even less. However, he was surprised that Gu Ze would take Meng Fu into his own home. Was it so that he could torture him more?
Only, he had no way of coughing up the house and the money right now, so how could he approach Gu Ze and ask him to release Meng Fu?
The sound of Meng Yi’s laughter entered his ears. He looked over to see Meng Yi dropping onto the sofa, giggling happily at his comic book. Thankfully, Meng Yi was just a child who knew nothing.
Because knew nothing, he had only the purest of joy.