First Published on Chaleuria
15.1 – Losing Control
With a lot of effort, Su Mu carried the drunk Yao Yuan to their room on the 15th floor. When he saw an attendant, he also asked for a serving of hangover soup.¹
Su Mu opened the room door and helped Yao Yuan to the bed, intending to let him rest, but Yao Yuan, who had been quiet until now, suddenly became restless and struggled to get free of Su Mu’s hold.
“Yao Yuan, wake up.” Su Mu tripped and they both fell to the floor.
Yao Yuan opened his eyes and stared blankly for a while. It dawned on him only now that the person next to him was the culprit for his getting drunk tonight. At the same time, he instinctively threw a disorderly punch to vent the inexplicable sorrow and anger he had felt tonight. Su Mu dodged to one side and tried to catch hold of him, but Yao Yuan avoided him.
“Bastard, you lied to me,” Yao Yuan said as he staggered and kept throwing punches. His fists were stronger than when he was sober, but thankfully his aim was always slightly off.
Su Mu couldn’t bear to hurt him and could only continue dodging while trying to calm him down. When Yao Yuan kicked out with his right leg, Su Mu tripped and hit the clothes rack behind him. A tremor ran through his body.
Yao Yuan took the chance to pounce and held Su Mu down forcefully beneath him.
“Yao Yuan.” Su Mu tried to push him away but his position was very disadvantageous. His efforts all went to waste.
“You lied to me? You have time to go shopping with a girl but you had no time to… god—damn–it, what on earth did I do… you bastard, what did I ever do to you?” Yao Yuan had finally gotten his wish. He caught hold of Su Mu’s collar and shouted, “Tell me, were you lying to me? Was it just an excuse…”
“Yes!” Facing the muddled Yao Yuan, Su Mu finally admitted it. That’s right; it was all an excuse. Su Mu was busy with work, but not to the point where he didn’t even have time for a drink. He was deliberately avoiding Yao Yuan. Yao Yuan had done nothing wrong; it was Su Mu who was wrong. Su Mu kept reminding himself that his infatuation that night had only been his imagination, but every time he saw Yao Yuan, he couldn’t help remembering the way Yao Yuan had held him down, and his breathing and heartbeat could not stay steady.
How could he let these feelings continue to grow? In his eyes, there were only two kinds of people: those who could be used and those who could not. In his world, feelings did not exist. He even looked down on other people who described love that surpassed life or death; he thought it an empty and childish notion. For the sake of the Su Group, he would even put his marriage down as collateral without hesitation, let alone love, which he did not believe existed. He had seen too much calculation and deception, including between his beloved parents, who had fought both openly and in the dark for many years. He had grown used to it. And so he didn’t believe in these so-called feelings between people. He could not accept that his older brother, who had always stood out in a crowd, and who succeeded in all his business endeavors, would separate with his family for the sake of love, and for a man at that. He could not understand it, and even more than that, he could not accept it. Perhaps, as Jiang Luo had said, Su Mu was a person without feelings. No one could imprison Su Mu being tied down was the one thing he disliked most. He would not follow in his brother’s footsteps. So he could only choose to avoid Yao Yuan and not meet with him.
But today was different. Yao Yuan was about to leave and might never return. After he had hung up on the call with Yao Yuan, he had been unable to suppress his uneasiness, and he could not rid his mind of Yao Yuan’s face. He had caught hold of Yang Weiyu next to him and kissed her frantically, ravaging her mouth. Only he knew that in the moment, it had been Yao Yuan he was thinking about.
Then he had hurriedly driven Yang Weiyu home and rushed to Verdant Spring. If, after today, he could never see Yao Yuan again, then tonight he would let all his restraint go.