The Complete Guide to the Use and Care of a Personal Assistant
First Published on Chaleuria
Su Yuyang was silent. Ling Miao covered his mouth and began laughing—a sad expression, a sorrowful laugh, and tears rolling down his face.
“Yuyang, we’ve been together so long. Do you really still not understand me?”
Ling Miao threw out another line which crashed into Su Yuyang, stunning him.
“Every day I cook for you, edit for you, upload chapters for you. It’s alright that you’re not grateful, but because of that woman, you misunderstood me and Linxi. Su Yuyang, I was wrong about you. Three years we’ve been together, and it’ll end just like this because of a woman.”
Su Yuyang felt as if his heart were being squeezed; it hurt—even though he knew that Ling Miao wasn’t speaking genuinely, Ling Miao’s expression and tone left him feeling helpless.
Su Yuyang reached to help Ling Miao up, but Ling Miao mercilessly batted Su Yuyang’s hand away. Looking at Su Yuyang’s helpless expression, Ling Miao laughed and said: “Su Yuyang, Su Yuyang, I really do love you!”
Having said his piece, Ling Miao started crying again. This time, the description ‘shake the heavens and wake the dead’ would not be an exaggeration.
“I…” Su Yuyang was about to say something to console Ling Miao when he noticed eyes from outside his door: some were curious, others surprised, others angry.
“What’re you looking at? Instead of looking at us, why don’t you console your … uh… your husband!” a woman said suddenly.
Her words invited agreement from many others. Su Yuyang had intended to ignore these people, but then he remembered that they were his neighbours that he saw every day. If they spread word of him ‘abandoning his husband’, his reputation would…
Ling Miao still sat on the floor. Su Yuyang squatted in front of him and said consolingly in a gentle voice: “I was wrong. Stay.”
“Mm.” Since Su Yuyang had invited him to stay, Ling Miao had achieved his objective. In order to prevent Su Yuyang from reneging, however, Ling Miao asked again: “Will you chase me away?”
“No, I won’t.” Su Yuyang’s tone remained soft, but in his heart ten thousand ‘fuck you’ horses thundered by.¹
Now that the ‘happy family’ had reconciled, the people gawking outside the door gradually dispersed.
The exterior gate shut tightly, Su Yuyang took a deep breath and prepared to talk this over with Ling Miao, but his expression and movements were all broadcasting to Ling Miao ‘I want to hit you.’
Ling Miao shrank into a corner of the sofa. He hugged one of the armrests and warned: “I’m telling you, hit… hitting people is a crime…”
“I’m not going to hit you,” Su Yuyang gritted out through his teeth. “But I am going to tell you something: right now, at once, immediately get into the kitchen and cook for me!”
Ling Miao pulled out his phone to check the time. Ah, it was almost twelve o’clock.
“I… I’ll go right away.” Like a fleeing rabbit, Ling Miao disappeared into the kitchen in the blink of an eye.
Su Yuyang’s chest heaved. He had to gulp down two large glasses of cool water before the anger in his heart died down.
Ling Miao! For the sake of living under Su Yuyang’s roof, Ling Miao had really pulled out all the stops. If Su Yuyang weren’t afraid of tarnishing his reputation, he surely wouldn’t keep Ling Miao, who was ill-tempered and bad at his work, around.
When Ling Miao had said, “I really do love you,” however, Su Yuyang’s heart had skipped two beats.
The food was ready, shortly. Ling Miao lowered his head as he brought it out; he didn’t dare look directly at Su Yuyang, who radiated a terrifying air.
As usual, Su Yuyang had eaten all the rice in the bowl in several large bites. He handed the bowl to a stunned Ling Miao: “More rice.”
Ling Miao did not react. Su Yuyang repeated with emphasis, “More rice.”
“Eh?” Ling Miao’s hands trembled; the chopsticks and bowl both fell on the floor. “More … more rice. Oh.”
“What are you worrying about?” Su Yuyang said with some irritation.
“That … you… you’re not angry at me, are you?” Ling Miao shrank back and watched Su Yuyang carefully. He worried that if Su Yuyang got angry he would toss Ling Miao, luggage and all, out the window. Fuck, this was the tenth floor. If Ling Miao got thrown out, it’d be a miracle if he didn’t die.
“Relax. I’m a man of my word,” Su Yuyang said with some mockery.
There was actually an unsaid second half to that sentence– and what about you?
I’m a man of my word, and what about you?
Even Su Yuyang himself could tell it was strange. If it were said aloud… its flavor might change.
Su Yuyang wanted to ask Ling Miao whether the words he said today were true, but…
“Ah?” Ling Miao said in surprise.
Su Yuyang bit his lip—he had said his thoughts out loud.
Ling Miao’s troubled gaze swept back and forth over Su Yuyang; the latter avoided Ling Miao’s eyes out of embarrassment. Suddenly Ling Miao began laughing: “Su Yuyang, you didn’t really think I was interested in you, right?””
“Hmph, who’d be interested in you?” Su Yuyang sneered in reply.
“But there was one thing I told the truth about.” Ling Miao’s gaze became heated, and the smile lifting the corners of his lips became respectful.
“The ‘I really do love you’ was real.”
Su Yuyang’s heart stopped, and an inexplicable joy surged forth. At this time, Ling Miao added with his face all smiles: “Great Shu Yang.”
Su Yuyang couldn’t suppress the rage in his heart any more. He yelled with all the strength in his body: “Ling Miao, go and edit!”
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 one variant on ‘fuck’ sounds very similar to ‘grass mud horse’