The Complete Guide to the Use and Care of a Personal Assistant
First Published on Chaleuria
Su Yuyang said in a frustrated tone, “Hey, Xiao Miao, my reputation’s ruined forever.”
Ling Miao rolled his eyes at Su Yuyang and said dismissively, “You have a reputation?”
Su Yuyang was about to retort when a cry reached his ear: “Great Shu, do you have to PDA? Won’t you spare a thought for us single people?”
“And people like me who’ve just broken up.”
Su Yuyang gave an awkward cough. “Er, you all carry on. I’ll go write.”
Su Yuyang fled and Ling Miao sighed, “You scared him off. Let’s continue discussing.”
“Haven’t we finished discussing?” Tofu asked in confusion.
Ling Miao said slyly, “I just thought of something new. We planned to interview him over text, but now I think we should do it over voice. What do you think?”
Tofu and the others immediately understood—Ling Miao was digging a hole for Su Yuyang to jump in! Given Su Yuyang’s attitude toward Ling Miao, he’d definitely jump right in, so there was no reason for Tofu and the others to disagree. Soon, the new interview plan emerged. Ling Miao stared at his laptop in a good mood. Su Yuyang, Su Yuyang, prepare to take that! Ha ha ha ha!
Ling Miao made posts on his microblog and on the web novel discussion forum soliciting interview questions. Someone replied to the thread with doubt, to which Ling Miao replied: Shu Yang is my boyfriend. He paused, then added: Whether you believe that is up to you, but remember to tune in to the interview on YY @#￥%.
“Fuck!” After replying to all the comments on the thread, Ling Miao tossed his mouse aside in a fit of anger. He said in frustration, “Hey, Su Yuyang, why don’t they believe I got you to give an interview?”
“I’ve never done an interview with the web novel site, and I’ve rejected countless fan interview invitations. Now you suddenly say I agreed to your interview. Think about it. It’s not that likely,” Su Yuyang analyzed. “I’d better clarify in my endnotes.”
As Su Yuyang finished, he opened his dashboard and added a note about having accepted the interview.
Very soon after, someone posted a screenshot of the chapter content to the novel discussion forum. Only now did everyone believe that Shu Yang, who had thus far maintained his secrecy, was about to show himself before his audience. As for the person claiming to be Shu Yang’s boyfriend, some people were still suspicious, but most believed he was who he claimed to be. For the next few days, Ling Miao didn’t dare log into his forum account—the volume of private messages would make him pee his pants.
Su Yuyang and Ling Miao’s days were still filled with bickering, but Su Yuyang was very content.
After a week of collecting questions and a day organizing them, Tofu handed the list of fan questions to Ling Miao, who glanced over them and didn’t find any glaring issues. Su Yuyang surreptitiously circled around behind Ling Miao and glanced at the laptop screen, then moved close to Ling Miao’s face and asked in his ear, “Xiao Miao, you sure you want to ask me this question?”
Su Yuyang had blown his breath behind Ling Miao’s ear, tickling Ling Miao. Ling Miao said angrily, “Talk properly. Why are you blowing on me?”
Su Yuyang reached his arms over Ling Miao’s shoulders and crossed them in front of Ling Miao’s chest, resting his chin on Ling Miao’s shoulder. He laughed, “Your ears are red.” Ling Miao could feel his ears turning hot, and now that Su Yuyang had pointed it out, he felt like they were on fire. Ling Miao pinched the back of Su Yuyang’s hand and said fiercely, “Yeah, my ears are red. So what?”
Su Yuyang kissed the shell of Ling Miao’s ear and pointed to a line of text on the screen. He suggested, “You’d better get rid of this one. I’m worried you won’t be able to spit it out when the time comes.”
“Mm?” Ling Miao hesitated as he looked at the line Su Yuyang pointed at. His eyes went wide: “That fucker Feng Ji asked this, didn’t he? Fuck me, he’s really gonna make a condom-shaped cake for us?”
“If I know Feng Ji, he actually will do it. Tsk tsk, he even says it’ll be one of a kind. I want to punch him,” Su Yuyang teased.
Ling Miao knew that Su Yuyang was joking but he still replied seriously: “Hit him a couple more times.”
On the day of the interview, Ling Miao made preparations on YY. Su Yuyang couldn’t bear to interrupt Ling Miao while he was working but he was nervous—Ling Miao still hadn’t told him the format of the interview. To Su Yuyang’s knowledge, web authors usually did their interviews on QQ, but the way Ling Miao was acting, it’d most likely be on YY—over audio.
“Doesn’t he know I easily get anxious? I’ll get stage fright if I have to talk in front of so many people!” Su Yuyang paced back and forth in his room. His footsteps grew quicker and also louder, making Ling Miao unable to concentrate on preparations. Ling Miao picked up the tissue box and tossed it at Su Yuyang, who yelped in pain, turned, and said, “Why’d you hit me?”
“Great Shu, can you sit down and quietly wait for the interview to begin?”
“Alright.” Su Yuyang had intended to say, “I’m nervous and I’m trying to walk it off, can’t I do that?” But looking at Ling Miao’s murderous gaze, Su Yuyang decided to shut his mouth instead.
Su Yuyang sat by Ling Miao’s side, watching the channel chat. Ling Miao occasionally left a comment but mostly sat and stared. Su Yuyang turned to look at Ling Miao and found that Ling Miao was shaking his leg. This made Su Yuyang happy: So he’s also nervous, like me?
The interview was scheduled to start at eight o’clock sharp. At nearly eight, Ling Miao got up and went to the toilet, then took several deep breaths to soothe his nerves. After that, he stared at the clock. At 7:59 p.m. Ling Miao reminded, “Recorder, please prepare.” Eight o’clock arrived and Ling Miao announced, “The interview starts now!”
“The number of people in this channel has hit a new high. Most of you here are fellow writers or people who have come just to see the fabled Shu Yang. Today, you’ll only be hearing his voice and not seeing him in person, but I think that since Shu Yang is willing to show himself today, you’ll definitely get a chance to see him in future. For now, I’m the interview host, Zero Seconds Ago. Now, let’s invite Shu Yang, the Great Shu, to say hello.”
“Good day, everyone. I’m Shu Yang,” Su Yuyang said, pressing closer to Ling Miao’s microphone.
A new voice had emanated from Ling Miao’s account—the voice of the mythical Shu Yang. The channel erupted with discussion. Su Yuyang laughed drily: “I’m not on YY yet, so I’m using Xiao Miao’s account for now. Xiao Miao is my boyfriend, as many of you know, so I don’t have to hide anything, do I?”
“Ah…” Ling Miao wiped his face and glared at Su Yuyang, saying, “We indeed don’t need to hide, but do you really have to be affectionate in public?”
“It’s fine,” Su Yuyang said slyly.
Suddenly Ling Miao really wanted to dig a hole and bury himself in it.
Ling Miao didn’t want to continue discussing this topic with Su Yuyang. He opened the document containing the questions and warned, “You, sit over there! Don’t look at the questions!”
Su Yuyang turned his gaze elsewhere and only turned back when Ling Miao spoke.
“Great Shu, you’ve always maintained an air of secrecy. What made you accept this exclusive interview?” Ling Miao asked the first question and the interview began. But the way Su Yuyang was looking at Ling Miao made Ling Miao uneasy!